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My goodness Trisha...you are going through so much.  And you work as a caregiver too.  It sounds like you need someone to care about you.  It is awfully hard to get up each day and give when you need someone to give to you.    I am really sorry you are going through this hard time.   What do you think it would take to refill your reserves?  What brings you joy?    I do want to remind you that you do matter.  There is never anything resolved by ending things.  You would just leave a legacy of pain behind.  If it ever reaches that point where you can't take it anymore...I want you to call one of the suicide hotlines okay?   I wish I had a magic wand to make things better for you.  It does sound like you could use some emotional support.  There is an on-line support group right here on Health Central and I will give you the link here.   Please hang in there.  I know...easier said than done.  Some days it is a huge achievement just to survive the day.  I do hope things get better for you.   And thank you for your question.