Hi, finallydone -   When I was seriously depressed, one of the worst experiences for my wife was not knowing who I would be each day - the loving, responsive husband or the distant, hostile stranger. She couldn't trust me emotionally, and that made her reactions cautious when I was well. When I was depressed, she was hurt and totally exasperated. She didn't hesitate to let me know, and when I'd been out of treatment for a while, she'd wind up confronting me with an ultimatum. I had to get treatment or she just wouldn't take it anymore. Like your partner, I had fantasies at times about escaping into a more intense relationship, and I was often completely negative about everything. I'd focus on the one messed up thing and miss all the new and beautiful changes she had made in the house. That's depression and pushing onto the world the inner shame I felt.   You're right to be honest with her and stand up for yourself. There's only so much emotional battering and unpredictability a person can take. Her recovery is up to her.   My best to you,   John