How do I know when my suicidal thoughts are no longer just thoughts?
I've been going through a lot for the past 10 months: I lost my job, then my husband lost his job, my health has been on a downward spiral, we're pretty close to loosing our home, we adopted twins 11 months ago and we still haven't gotten our babies because the country we adopted from suddenly has new rules and everything is taking soooo long.
My husband doesn't understand why I'm feeling this way. I try to smile and be the cheerful woman he married, but there are just those days when I can't pretend. The past two consecutive days has been that way, and he makes me feel gulty for not smiling more. He makes me feel like I'm less of a person because this is not what he signed up for.
I wake up in the mornig and can't find a single thing to say "Well at least I have that to be greatful for!" What do I do? How do I know if these thoughts in my head are no longer thoughts, but plans?
Hello, ScaryCat. Yes, it does sound like you've gone through a lot lately. Do you not look forward to getting your babies, or is the idea of that feel overwhelming now?
If you are having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE talk to your doctor or a therapist about it, don't wait until you start making plans. I'm going to give you a couple of crisis numbers to call, should you need them:
Your husband probably doesn't want to admit that you are feeling so down and that's why he gets upset - maybe because he feels that way himself. I'm going to also give you this link to an article by Merely Me about how to get help when you have no insurance and no money. I hope you will consider getting help now, before those babies arrive, so you will have a source of support.
Thanks for reaching out here and I hope you'll write again and let us know how you're doing.
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