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Monday, October 04, 2010 needhope18, Community Member, asks

Q: Did anyone lose their sex drive/clitoral sensitivity after being depressed even WITHOUT medication? Did it ever return? PLEASE, someone help me.

Hello everyone, I am a new member. I am a 22 y/o female who went through an almost year long horrible depression. I have felt almost like myself again as I am not depressed anymore for the past two months:) Things are still not the same yet, but I know progress is slow. However, I have noticed that I have NO sex drive AT ALL and looking back, realized I never craved it during the depression also. I NEVER went on any medication for the depression nor am I on any type of birth control. I used to have a very high drive and now, its hard for me to get turned on at all. My main concern is that my clitoris is almost numb and not sensitive to touch anymore. Its as if I'm rubbing my knee or something (sorry for the TMI). I used to be easily turned on. Is this common with depression even without meds? Will my drive ever come back as well as the feeling in my clitoris? I have a clean bill of health and also got my hormones checked and they are normal. PLEASE, is anyone out there that can help me?
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Answers (3)
Merely Me, Health Guide
10/ 5/10 6:12pm

Hi there


I happened to see your question here as well as on our sexual health site.  I do agree with Judy and Donna...this seems a matter to discuss with your gynecologist.  I know that some medications can produce this effect...are you taking any other type of medication?


And do you feel that this is a physical problem or a psychological one? 


Are you in a relationship where you have explored this?  Sometimes relationship problems can exacerbate sexual issues.  Is this also a problem if you were to use a vibrator?  Some women feel it is easier to achieve orgasm this way. 


Are you having any other feelings of numbness anywhere else?  I am wondering if a neurological problem could explain what you are experiencing.


My best suggestion is to start with your gynecologist and rule out any physical reason for what you are experiencing.  If it is not physical in nature you may wish to speak to a therapist or a sex therapist to root out the cause.


Hope this helps some and thank you for your question.

needhope18, Community Member
10/ 5/10 7:09pm

Hi! Thanks for the reply, I really really do appreciate it-I wait for the responses lol.


You see, I am a virgin and never used a vibrator. But I know my body and used to consider myself so lucky because I never understood how it seemed other women had so many problems reaching the big-O when it was always so easy for me without using vibrators, lube, etc..


I am kind of afraid to go to a gynecologist because, well, I'm afraid the exam will be painful and they'll de-virginize me or something (I'm waiting for marriage). Maybe its just time..


I think it is a real physical problem. However, when I was depressed, I used to block out all positive thoughts, happy feelings and emotions because I didnt feel deserving of them. I also restrained from "self-love" for the same reason. I think thats why I still feel a bit emotionally numb as well. The feelings of love, etc just arent as strong as they used to be but I know this problem is mind over matter and I just have to allow happy thoughts again. Its the physical problem that I am worried about.


Hope that was clear. And oh, I am not using medication .. only Flinstone vitamins if you consider that medication:)

Judy, Community Member
10/ 5/10 11:39pm

I just want to assure you that a gynecological exam is not painful and will not take away your virginity.  The other thing I want to say is that your body is not separate from your mind.  If you are used to numbing out everything in your head, it's not uncommon for the same thing to happen to your body.  I can say this because I've been there.  I think you'll feel much better if you get checked out by a gynecologist (I'd recommend a female, it's probably more comfortable) and put your mind at rest or get to the source of the problem.


Best of luck to you!

needhope18, Community Member
10/ 6/10 5:05pm

I will make the appt as soon as I can. I just want some answers and a resolution.  I am just to young to be dealing with sexual problems. 


When you say that numbing out can take its toll on the body as well, can you tell me what your experience has been? Does emotional/physical numbness tend to go away and how long does it take? I would love to hear your story. 

Judy, Community Member
10/ 6/10 7:22pm

When I was emotionally numb, I wasn't real aware of my body, didn't pay attention to it.  Everything was flat, there was no joy in anything and that's the price you pay when you don't want to feel pain.  That's not always a conscious decision, though - it can be your brain saying there's too much and it can't afford to feel anything.  I'm wondering why you haven't tried any medication, because that can help.  I take Wellbutrin and that hasn't affected my libido at all.  What does affect it is when I'm feeling angry, ugly, sad or just numb.  I can't tell you how long it takes for numbness to go away because that depends on what you're doing about it.  If you're just waiting around for it to disappear, it may be a while, but if you seek solutions with a professional (your gynecologist, for starters), it may not take too long.  At least you do care about the lack of feeling, which is a good start.  If nothing gets resolved with the gynecologist, I would suggest you talk with a therapist.  Even if you don't think you have anything troubling you, that can be a trick of the depression and a result of being numb.  Sometimes there are things in our past that we don't even think are important that can cause problems.


Again, good luck with this - let us know if you find the solution.

Boldwhisper, Community Member
10/22/11 6:49am

Hello there:

 It really sounds like you would benefit from talking with a therapist.this doesn't mean you are odd or weird or incompetent!Most doctors and mental health professionals I would estimate have spoken to or speak to a therapist on a regular basis!

 As for the fact that you are 22 and still avirgin waiting for marriage.I say good for you.These days women like you are hard to find!

 Please don't feel you are weak or inadequate because you ask for help from a professional.If your car was broken or you broke your arm would you not seek professional help?Thereis no difference whatsoever from that kind of help and eliciting help from a psychiatrist or therapist.they are well trined health professionals.If you don't have the results you are seeking with a particular mental health provider tyhan try another.Sometimes the chemistry doesn't work between people like with a lot of parallel matters in life.The important thing is you don't feel you have to solve it on your own because you don't!Please don't feel that you must be ashamed for not feeling well.Its not your fault.It happens for a variety of psycholical,environmental,and biological reasons.You seem to have an aversion to mental health providers.this is 1950's old school thinking when if you went to a "shrink" you were crazy.DO NOT buy into that nonsense.Please avail yourself to the help available!

 As for your clitoral numbness I would definitely recommend a gynocologist,a female.I am surprised at your age you don't have regular exams already!You do not have to be sexually active to have need of a gynecologist!Go and get checked out because your well being and health are the most important things you have going for you.A trained doctor sees virgins all the time and the exam will not hurt and the doctor will not devirginize you!Please trust me.

 I really wish I could follow up with you and talk to you in private.Maybe you can post something and I will check back on how you are doing.I am a male by the way and I have known a few women over the years.I also work in the mental health field as a therapist.I will tell you a secret.Most of my colleagues see therapists!I talk to young women like you all the time and they tell me I am quite helpful and I can see their progress over time!I am not that much older than you by the way either.I am just well trained,Ivy league school,head of my class,etc.I also really like people and that helps in my profession!

Good Luck and be well...


Donna-1, Community Member
10/ 5/10 9:15am

See a therapist (female) and discuss it with her. Someone who specializes in problems of a sexual nature.  I doubt it is from depression.

Judy, Community Member
10/ 5/10 4:29pm

Hi, there.  I'm wondering if you're still depressed - it sounds like you're not quite out of it - and I do think that it can affect your libido.  Have you gone through any treatment at all for your depression?  How did you get through a horrible case of it without medication of any kind?  There are medications, by the way, that don't wreck your libido, which you could talk to your doctor about.


I do believe you can get your sex drive back, but it might be a good idea to talk with a therapist anyway.  I wish you the best.

needhope18, Community Member
10/ 5/10 5:11pm

Thank you for the two replies. I am out of the depression because what caused the depression is now resolved. What is holding me back from feeling 100% like myself again is now the lack of sex drive, which is depressing me again. I dont think talking to a therapist would help because its not as if I am someone who never knew my body or has other issues with thinking sex is wrong, etc. I just dont know what to do and never heard of a woman losing clitoral sensitivity:(

Judy, Community Member
10/ 5/10 5:36pm

Maybe you should talk to a gynecologist, then - that would be what I'd do next.  They know all about that stuff.  Sorry we couldn't be of more help.

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By needhope18, Community Member— Last Modified: 10/22/11, First Published: 10/04/10