My life has been a complete mess. I was born in one place and lived in many others. My first thought of suicide was from the age of 10. Grew up being molested by a step father it only seems as if my mother gave me to him. For many many years i have learned to not remember the details and now that i am grown, the nightmares(memories) haunt me. They are all so overwhelming. So I
"deal" with that by not dealing with it. My mom always put a man before me and continues to do so. Right after high school graduation (1 week) I was forced to move. Wasn't the first time either. So then I got pregnant. Althought i was on my own (own place, own job, own life) I needed help once i couldn't work anymore and i didn't get it. Well i did once my child arrived and then was back out after 3 months. Stepfather got tired of not being able to smoke in his home. Her father is little to no help. Now i am almost 21 and the only dude i would trust to give my body to (daughter's father) has given me a present that will never go away. HSV-2 (herpes Simplex Virus 2) How does a young woman who lost her only support system while she was pregnant (my father), who works so hard to make a life for herself and child, a student in college to be a nurse, a mother, a motherless daughter, a hated sister, nobody loves me, have been homeless for just about a year now, trying to get a job, has a lot of potential to be something great, and then this. today this... this is something that will forever change my life. I cried today, for the first time in so long. I've tried so hard to preach to my friends and young female cousins that are hoes, to strap it up. Do not give someone the right to control how your life will be. You will not want to end up WITH SOMETHING YOU CAN NOT GET RID OF. How can all of these girls be whores and have sex with anything with a penis, live std free and I trust in one person, have sex with one person, Love one person and end up with something as crucial as this. This is not love that he gave me. It is a scar. In my heart, in my soul and in my mind. It adds on to the many many tons of stress on my shoulder... how do i cope? I do not want to be here, to live a life like this, i want to be healthy, to love again, to have more kids maybe, and to be able to not have to say, OH I HAVE HERPES... ugh. the thought is disgusting. I feel this is my punishment for not practicing what i preach.. help me cope. please
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Q: How do I cope? Please Help
Hi, and thanks for your question.
You've had a complex and distressing time. Not surprisingly you feel depressed, betrayed and emotional. I think these emotions are perfectly understandable.
There are different ways we could look at your story. Like you, we could go back and see how the past has affected your current situation, but I think you really need a proper structure through therapy to do this properly. The second way is to look at your immediate situation, or at least the parts of it you have outlined in your question and see how we might help a little.
Your immediate concern over having genital herpes is something you can live with. Moralising and hand-wringing won't help. The fact is that millions of Americans have the HSV virus and just get on with their lives. Like you, many feel betrayed by the fact that a partner who they trusted has passed the virus to them but the emotional sting that accompanies this will hopefully subside in time. I think a little knowledge goes a long way so let me recommend the HerpesConnection site.
Your focus on "preaching to friends and young female cousins" sounds like you may have set yourself up as something of a moral crusader. Having done so you now feel guilty and ashamed for having the HSV virus. Perhaps you're taking too much responsibility for the lives of others rather than focusing on your own wellbeing? Your question is full of anger, resentment and raw emotion and this has opened a can of worms that I suspect you've been sitting on for some time.
This takes me back to my initial statement about therapy. I think some form of counseling would be of benefit to you in order to help resolve past issues. In terms of current relations I suspect we've only scratched the surface and it is probably beyond the scope of this message board to suggest advice beyond seeking help from a qualified source.
Hi-I really can feel some of your pain with all that has come along and really affected you-from such a young age. you still have problems to deal with and some to solve in the best way possible-but one thing I do notice about you-you are a very strong lady-you have loved and lost that love from one person-who meant alot to you-but you carry on-looking for a good-healthy way out. Your illness can be mostly controlled-you have a wonderful life to care for and love-you are not out in the finding caring people in your life-stay away from the negatives-if you have not-try to get involved with believers-they are always ready to reach out a hand. I will answer you again if I feel I can give you support also-I am a 6 3year old grandmother of seven wonderful kids. Peace and joy to you. Sandy.
Hi, there. You've certainly had to go through a lot in your young life, but by reaching out here, you've made a start in trying to heal. Try not to beat yourself up for having herpes - you did not do it to yourself by sleeping around with just anyone. I agree with the suggestion to get therapy - try to find a therapist that works with trauma. If you don't have the money or insurance, we can help you find some resources. Your little child is counting on you to be there and you are worth it. Take care, let us know how you're doing.
Hey there
I know this must be such a shock to you. But this isn't a reflection of you or your worth. There are many people who have genital herpes who are like you...you are a good person...you didn't expect this...but it happened.
In fact here is a quote from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention:
"Genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of five women 14 to 49 years of age) than in men (about one out of nine men 14 to 49 years of age)." This is a huge number...one in five women."
In the total population: "Results of a nationally representative study show that genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people 14 to 49 years of age have genital HSV-2 infection."
So you are not alone in this.
Here is also news that may be comforting:
"When signs do occur, they typically appear as one or more blisters on or around the genitals or rectum. The blisters break, leaving tender ulcers (sores) that may take two to four weeks to heal the first time they occur. Typically, another outbreak can appear weeks or months after the first, but it almost always is less severe and shorter than the first outbreak. Although the infection can stay in the body indefinitely, the number of outbreaks tends to decrease over a period of years."
It is a life long condition but there is treatment and it will probably be less severe over time.
Probably the worst thing about this is the damage to your psyche. But you need not feel that you are bad or worthless because of this. There are support groups on-line. As Jerry mentioned we also have a Herpes site here. I think the more you learn about this...perhaps the better you will come to accept what has happened.
I am so sorry this happened to you. But you can survive this. Let us know if you need any more information or resources.
Hang in there...
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Hey I know that i am extremely late, a little over a year... But I just logged on for the first time in just as long. I have learned to cope with this but I am scared to hear any other results. I don't have insurance so this makes it hard to make sure I'm nice and healthy. I've learned what to eat and how to stay healthy but we all know looks can be deceiving, right. I thought i had cancer at one point and still very fearful. I need someone to talk to who wont judge me . Help :-) Thanks.