Hi, Angelo -
We really need a bit more information before we can give you much of a response. Have you had a problem with depression? Are you saying that you feel you need to control everything too much before you can feel good? Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor about this? You seem to be talking about something pretty basic in your life, and usually it takes an in depth look at things with a therapist to really get a handle on it.
Let us know a little more, and we might be able to get more specific.
John
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