Monday, April 13, 2009 Concerned Mom asks

Q: My daughter is depressed and refuses to go to school or to receive help.

She sleeps all day and wants no contact from her friends. She refuses any medication or to continue her therapy. I don't know which way to turn? How do I help her if she wants no help?

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Answers (5)

Merely Me, Health Guide

4/13/09 6:53pm

Hi there

I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. It sounds like your daughter may be deep within her depression to not go to school and refusing all help.

Has something happened recently to trigger this level of depression? What does her school say? What about her therapist? Has something happened at school to trigger any of this? Has she experienced any bullying or a break up?

It is really hard on a parent to try to help when your child won't talk to you. Will your daughter tell you anything about why she is refusing to go to school?

Is she refusing all help or would she agree to see her regular doctor? It may be a case where at some point you may have to make an appointment with someone who can help and insist that she go with you. I know, easier said than done.

I would suggest to provide her with the message that you are going to be there no matter what to help her. Don't give up. But don't place undue pressure on her either. Keep the communication lines open. Make sure that she knows that she doesn't have to suffer alone and that there is help.

Gently coax her to do simple things just to get her up and moving. Ask her to go for a walk with you or run a small errand...anything to get her up and her mind thinking about other things.

Families for depression awareness has a pdf file about how to help your teenager when they are refusing help. You may find that information here.

And it sounds like you need support in this too. Call her therapist or doctor and ask them what you can do at this point.

Please hang in there. And let us know how things go for you and your daughter. I wish I could be more help.

psychoward1

4/13/09 12:36pm

Hi concerned mom,

Merely me(one of the experts here) has a posting that might help you in dealing with this. It is located here.

Merely me has many postings that are listed on her home page with lots of information on how to deal with people living with depression.

Hope this helps you out.

Pat

kath

10/ 5/09 1:15pm

Thank you for your concern-------------------I have had depression for yrs--------I had a therapist that helps me. I have tryed to to get her to go for helpif I try to help her she gets angry. My daughter has several health problems she is over weight because of the depression . My daughter is 43yrs old her father died at 49 because of health issues. I know I couldnt help her---------but to be there for her. thank you k

Concerned Mom

4/14/09 6:17am

She does talk to me and will seem fine, as long as I don't talk about her going back to school. She says nothing has happaned at school, her teachers don't know of anything, her friends don't know of anything that could have happened either. She does not like her teachers, one in particular, but I don't know why. She is very angry that I contacted the school and its made it worse for her to face them now because of it. As long as no friends make contact with her, she seems fine. She does not even want to get out of bed or dressed if I mention school. How do I make her understand the importance of the medication?

Merely Me, Health Guide

4/14/09 6:24pm

Hi again

How much school has she missed? It seems that there must be something that happened at school for her to be this resistant to going. Have you talked to the teacher that she has an issue with? Had her grades gone down? Does anything happen on the way to school or home from school? Any other clues?

Is she suggesting any solutions like going to a different school? How does your daughter wish to handle this? How do you want to handle it? At some point she will have to go to school unless you homeschool her.

I would definitely seek help from your daughter's doctor or therapist. Had she taken medication before?

I am not a therapist so I can only think in terms of if this were my child...what would I do? I think somehow you have to find the underlying reason for her not wanting to go to school. There must be something to this. Is she just resistant or is she anxious? Some children develop school phobia. I don't know your daughter so anything I put out here is just a stab in the dark.

I do hope the situation improves. Let us know what happens.