Hi, I am on disability with severe recurring depression & PTSD for about 4 years now.  I have been treated in the past, did well, gained coping skills, the Drs & therapists agreed I was pretty okay to be off meds and just living life knowing that a recurring event may need more care.  (if I understood them correctly)  I had been diagnosed previously with dysthymia which is not on my disability paperwork.

Some of my 'stuff' came from family of origin abuse and I understand that my body and mind created ways to cope with that abuse - mostly verbal with some physical (beatings/severe spanking).  My family was associated with a religious 'cult' for most of my life.  Okay - I had been doing pretty good.  I traveled to Costa Rica and accepted a house-sitting position there.  The weather and sunshine certainly helped me a lot as did my many trips and times spent at the ocean and beaches.  (one of my favorite types of places).  I was a bit thrown off kilter when my cell phone was stolen while I was helping some friends with a computer project and then again, while traveling to Nicaragua the house I was watching was broken into and all my electronics - radios, computers a second cell phone - were stolen.  About a month later my parents came to visit me - BIG MISTAKE!  my mother is one of my big issues in life.  The house-sitting gig was over, my parents were relying heavily on me to move them w/my money (that got straightened out - Dad & I split the cost) and it was generally a very stressful time.  Mom had what dad called a stroke one nite - perhaps it was a first alheimers event I'm not sure.... anyway, they left early, I got into a relationship with a native cental american man and moved to an indian village.  Talk about culture shock and lanuage issues ---- because of money issues, I let friends move me out of my section 8 apartment in NYC.... by March a year ago I was feeling stressed and like I'd made a mistake with the relationship and yet w/responsibilities I couldn't see my way out of at the time.  Fast Forward...

Daddy died Dec 27 - I came home Jan 4 - I stayed w/family for a month, more Mom & sibling issues.... major depressed, couldn't focus, not possible to make decisions.  Traveled to NYC to visit friend - 2 nites - then to Maine to stay w/nephew, till I could think better...was here less than a week, got a doctor, taking prozac.... 

Does this sound normal.  I don't like taking meds, tho I will - for 2.5-3 years I was on a very natural diet and lost a lot of wieght, felt really good, didn't take any meds - doctor thought was okay at the time.  

I'm struggling w/my weight, my choices w/food -- it's been snowing and raining ever since I got here.  this is hard. oh and I"m probly going thru menopause too.

My bf in Costa Rica wants me to get healthier and go back.  (I think he has PTSD too).  I don't know what I want.  My daughter wants me to take a USA Road trip w/her - and I would like to.  

The sun is trying to shine today and I feel a little more energy, so I probly need to mention the possiblity of SAD with the doctor.  I promised everyone I'd stay here until after the next doctor's visit in 2 weeks.  

I'm wondering if my moving around and not being sure about relationships and my wanting to be healthy without chemicals is normal (ya I heard the saying that 'normal is only a setting on a dryer')

Thanks in advance for your comments and all.