I've just been reading the thread 'what to do when your husband says you are the cause of his depression'. My husband started suffering from depression not long after we got married, over 20 years ago now. He said that it was because I was so critical of him - and still holds me responsible. We had a difficult time for many years but there was also a strong attraction - also we were commuting and spent a lot of time apart which probably relieved some of the pressure. However, he used to get very angry about me working too much - I was putting in very long hours because I felt under pressure. I found him very unsympathetic, and he reacted very negatively to any display of emotion, so I learned to conceal my feelings about a lot of things. (This has been a useful life skill in other situations, but painful in a marriage!) We had our first child twelve years ago (and stopped commuting), and that actually made things worse, as we fell out a lot. From my point of view, my husband's reaction to the baby reminded me of what he was like with me when we were first together - quite over the top and idolizing. This led - again in my opinion - to really indulgent behaviour - eg when our son was a toddler my husband used to give him lots of fizzy drinks and sweets and in the end he developed cavities. Also he allowed him to watch loads of TV - it was just on all the time. If I criticized he got furious and I felt powerless as he couldn't discuss anything without a lot of anger. We had another child who is now 8 - his response to her was quite different. She is a very happy and independent child but our son is very insecure. My husband and I have continued to have lots of problems over the years, and the compensations gradually dwindled away - his depression has continued and worsened, despite medication. We've been to several marriage counsellors but it hasn't helped. I've been to a counsellor at work because of being so lonely and sad about all this - also my mum died last autumn - I got no emotional support and at Christmas, which was hard, he had an angry outburst which seemed unjustified and felt like the last straw. You probably wonder why we're both still together and the answer is mainly the children - and also we both have a strong sense of loyalty. He is the most committed dad I have ever known and loves to spend time with both kids - as do I. I do still feel something for him but I think he is beyond feeling anything for me. He clearly resents me and is frequently aggressive - psychologically, not physically - and in a measured enough way for the children not to hear/notice. He won't talk about anything - dialogue is completely impossible - and he has shown no signs of affection for as long as I can remember! A few months ago I decided that the situation was intolerable to me and that even for the children it wasn't right to stay unless there was some change. When I told him this he went to see a therapist and I have been hoping that might bring some change, but none really so far. Also, it seems to me that he has become irrationally critical of our son - who is indeed difficult, but I think he is being unfair and quite cruel. He's started making barbed remarks - really clever and subtle but my son understands and is hurt by them. I feel I have to do something about this and must stand up to him, but when I tried he said he had discussed it with his therapist and wasn't going to give in to me. Everything seems to be about power with him, not about what is best. Now I am also worried about the influence of his therapist . . . BTW I am quite successful professionally and earn more than him - he doesn't seem to mind but maybe this is aggravating things - who knows!! At my wits end . . .