Thursday, October 09, 2008 Chris asks

Q: Helping someone get through depression? i need help =(

hi there, i really need someones help, and as soon as possable really,

ive recently accepted a job that has made me move miles and miles away from my fiancee. And i know im finding it hard not seeing her for weeks on end, but we have gone weeks without seeing eachother in the past, so this was really not much different, or so i thought.

After about a week being here, my fiancee started to act a little weird, she tried to explain to me that its like a numb feeling, no emotions and all that, and i though she was sad because i had to move away for 2 years and only get to see her alternative weekends, and now i have gorwn to a greater consern. i now think she has depression.

she now randomly birsts into tears, calling me up saying that she cant cope with the numb feeling, nothing is fun in her eyes, and she is making problems up to feel guilty about, for instance, stuff like, do i still have feelings for any of my ex's and such, and after a long argument in her head still decides that she's still in love with me, her head will say something like "but do you?" and make her upset.

i know that saying that makes her sound more crazy then depressed, however, she seams to have all the symptoms,

i've been reasearching online for anything i can do to help her, and understand the situation that she may be in, but alot of the solutions are to see a doctor, however, like all doctors now, they are booked for weeks, and its getting to the poin that im starting to fear for her health, shes not eating proporly, sleeping alot, always tired, and contantly crying about nothing, and i fear she may do something silly, god forbid what.

i need anyones help out their that can tell me anything that i can do to help, cos if it comes to thinks i will have to leave this job, even though it will secure the rest of our live finatualy. but i will do it just to try and make her well again, as i will always put her befor work, as she is the most important thing in my life =)

please if anyone can offer me any advise to either help her along with it or just tell her to help make her better, i could really use the help

thanks alot and look forward to hearing any responce

Answers (4)

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Merely Me

10/ 9/08 6:14pm

Hey Chris...

Okay first of all...I am not a therapist or pyschologist...I am just a person who suffers from depression. So take what I say with a grain of salt.

I have to commend you for reaching out and trying to seek some help for your fiancee. So you are saying that you will be away from your loved one for two years with only minimal contact here and there? That is a tough situation for any couple to go through. Did your girlfriend show any signs of depression before your departure or was your going away the trigger for this? Are you her primary emotional support?

Does your fiancee have any other supports where she lives? Can you call any friends or family to help support her emotionally?

She does not sound crazy at all to me...she sounds like she is missing you and wanting to feel more secure. She may be going through a depression but she would need to be seen by a therapist to make that call.

Sounds like you two will have some decisions to make for your future. Can your relationship stand for you to be away for so long? It sounds like she would need some support to do that....to feel secure that the relationship will not suffer and that you still love her despite the distance and that eventually you will return.

You have a hard road ahead of you. Beyond therapists and talk of depression...this sounds like a relationship issue where you two will have to iron out how you two will cope with the distance. It is hard to say anything concrete though, without knowing more of your story and hers.

Good luck to you. Maybe others can chime in with their stories and experience.

Chris

10/10/08 2:26am

hi thanks for responding so quickly, first off, im not her only source of emotional suport, her mum is, and its not like i dont keep in contact, im prety much talking to here as much as i possably can, every spare minute really. befor i left she showed no signs of depression, we were like a perfect couple, or so we were told lol,

i feel that we can wistand the distance, because one thing we need is for me to have a carear so she can either work, or i can support her if she choses not to work. i love this girl with everything i can possably give pluss a little more, and i would do anything for her, i feel uceless being all this distance and unable to try and help her, ive told her that she needs to see a doctor and asked her to go in today, and make them see her befor the appointment.

i think that me leaving was the trigger, i think it started with greif for me leaving then it turned into depression. i do feel so helpless all this distance. if you need to know anything else to try and help, please ask =)

thanks alot =)

Chemistry_QCX

3/25/09 1:22pm

Hello Chris,

My name also is Chris and I live in Indiana. I am about 24 years old and I have been through a situation very similar to yours and I understand it can hurt badly. My advice Chris is to first pray to the Lord about your issues and your fiances, let Jesus know you are asking for his mercy and wisdom as to a resolution to this pain on your heart and the love of your lifes and if she is that to you never let her get away, Love is more valuable than any job. I know this because I had a long distance relationship fail badly and it has down spiraled my life for the past two years. Only becAuse I was and am soooooo hard on myself, be soft and PLEASE LISTEN TO THE WOMAN THAT LOVES YOU,

ALSO you can call me if you just want to chat, I could always use a friend as I have noone, to me you are lucky and know your life and spirit on this earth is loved. I DONT FEEL THAT CHRIS but i can listen to you.

317-205-6291

GOD BLESS YOU BOTH and ill pray for you, We are children of the Lord and I am here for you night or day my friend.