I go to the store and I apologize at the right times and I smile or smirk at the appropriate times, but it's all an act. I am very good at it too. Just below the surface, I feel hatred for the happy lady who rings me up, I detest the cheerful woman who wants to chat while doing my hair. I have noting to say to anyone. If they knew how I really feel they'd run from me. No one wants to deal with depression. "Oh depressed, well, I was really depressed when they stopped making my favorite nail color........................come on. depressed? Did you rip some hair out just to feel something? Did you cut yourself to see if your really alive? and have you never shared these things like me for fear of another lost friend? If there is anyone out there who is like me, please let me know. I feel so alone.
Q: Does anyone else feel so.............unnesssary?
I can't tell you how common this kind of feeling is, and I lived with it for years. The anger especially is one of those symptoms of depression you don't hear a lot about. Feeling empty, like you're not really alive, numb, cut off from everyone, convinced you're not fit to take up space here - and on and on. I know what all that is like, and hundreds of people who write in here know it too - just a small sample of the huge population out there dealing with these moods and emotions. So you are not alone, no way.
I urge you to talk to a counselor or therapist about what you're going through. Hurting yourself just to feel alive is a dangerous habit to get into. The good thing about talking to a trained therapist is that they will quickly assure you that these are well known symptoms, and they speak with an objectivity that has always been helpful to me. Just knowing that helped me to start thinking about the possibility of getting better.
It's not true that what you feel now about yourself is the reality of who you are - it's depression doing its job of trying to take you down. Please don't let it.
John
Wow, I thought I was the only one. I have never been able to verbalize it! I feel so diesconnected from everyone! I know what I am supposed to say and how I am supposed to act to fit in and I do it quite well. However the better I get at it, the more hollow and distant I become.
Ok, so there are three of us who admit it.....the quieting sensation that we don't even belong here, as tho' our lives weren't meant to happen... All I'm sure of anymore is the pain, & I've found out that I NEED my pain. If only to qualify my existence
Hi - I've been there MANY times. It's the irritability that is part of the depression and probably means that it's not being treated adequately. I used to sit at work sometimes and watch people walk by, having this feeling like I wanted to shoot every one of them just because they looked happy, or clueless, or I thought they must have felt better than I did and it made me mad. Now I know when that happens that I need to figure out what's going on. Sometimes depression masks anger, but then the anger surfaces in inappropriate situations.
Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? I hope you're getting some kind of help, anyway, because I know it's a horrible way to feel. Let us know how you're doing.....many of us, as you can see, have been down this road.
oh yes
And in my head I say pretend everythings is ok, people will reject you if you appear as you trully are scared and miserable
All these cute little phrauses like fake it till you make it, Act happy and the feelings will follow, smile and the world smiles with you. Yes i suppose they are good coping skills but it is hard when you are shacking inside
mindi lee
You are definitely NOT alone.
We here on this site...we have all felt this. We are great actors and actresses pretending everything is fine.
Your question reminds me of a song I like by "Go Set Go" called I hate everyone. Here are some of the lyrics:
Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left
I hate everyone (4x)
All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all
Is that the general...kinda...feeling? :>)
Hope we can help...thanks for reaching out here. You will find a lot of support.
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