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Friday, August 19, 2011 hatemyself, Community Member, asks

Q: the best way to kill yourself

i just want to no the best way to kill oyur self. i mean less pain is good but something that will do the trick

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Answers (6)
Merely Me, Health Guide
8/19/11 11:53pm

Hi there


Here is the truth.  If you kill yourself the pain does not end.  The pain continues for each and every person you leave behind. 


Do you have supports?  Do you have someone there who you can talk to.  We are not a crisis intervention center.  The most we can offer is some telephone numbers of some hotlines.

National Suicide Hopeline
Phone: 800.784.2433

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 800.273.8255


I have called such numbers myself and the people helped me,  Sometimes I had to call more than once.  The system is not perfect.  But you life is of great value.  Depression makes us think things we would normally not think.  You need to get some help and reach out to someone who can talk to you. 


We are absolutely NOT going to tell you ways to kill yourself.  This is not what we do here.  We do not want you to harm yourself in any way.  Call one of those numbers, talk to a friend or relative or call 9-1-1 is this is an emergency.  It is possible to feel better.  I know because I have been through this. 


Write back and let us know how you are doing.  We are very concerned about your welfare. 


hatemyself, Community Member
8/21/11 5:08pm

thank you for your concern. well im still alive as you can see. some days i wake up and ask myself why did i have to wake up? i guess going to sleep hoping you don't wake up is probally not normal. as far as killing myself i don't think i will do it atleast not in the near future. i think about my kids and family. i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. it just seems life is hard. i have a nice house and good things to look forward to but sometimes it just dosen't seem to be enough. thanks for reading and hope i didn't bore you to much

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/21/11 5:59pm

Hey there


I am very happy to see you back.   You are definitely not boring anyone.  You were reaching out here and we are glad you did.  I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling of just wanting to go to sleep and not have to face another day.  For me it is a weariness with life and wanting relief from pain.  You are not alone in having these feelings.  I am glad that you do have a family and also things to look forward to. 


Was there some incident which made you think of harming yourself?  Was there any specific trigger?


We are here to offer support.  If you would like to write more about what is going on and how you are feeling...we are listening.  None of us are therapists here but many of us have been through feeling this way.  Do you have a therapist or counselor to talk to?


Thank you so much for writing back.  We were worried about you.  I would like it very much if you keep writing on this site. 

hatemyself, Community Member
8/23/11 3:16pm

well i have been off work for 2 weeks because i hurt my back at work. this is the first time i have been not working in 15 years. its kind of driving me crazy not working. but anyhow i have to go to all these doctors. the truth about workmans comp is after you pay the attorney you only get about half your pay. now money is usually not a problem at all for us. but i did spend alot on my house. put in a hot tub and a pond things like that. well no for the first time in a while we are a little strapped for money. well the other night i took 500 bucks and went to the casino and my wife was so mad at me. i have spend mony there before with out being a big deal but she told me to watch are money and i spent in anyhow. whi iam writting all these i have no idea. but i just got really upset about everything. for 4 days all i did was sleep i coundn't even get a shower or change my clothes. ansd i have always been a very clean person. but i finaaly got my self cleaned up and feeling better. but i think what really got me was last night a couple who are friends or ours had there cable shut off because they got behind on bills nd i told my wife to write them a check and pay for it. i'm just that way i love to be able to give things and make people happy. and for the first time my wife is like we don't have it to give. made me feel like crap that i couldn't help out friends and that my wife was really upset about money.makes me feel like i am letting everybody down. the truth is we are going to be fine we just have to cut some things close for now. and i really should feel good about all the things we do have. i look at friends and we are doing alot better but i want to be able to help people out. and i really hate that my wife gave me that look after i came back from the casino. i do win alot in the poker rooms but seems when i don't have it to lose i do. anyways i no i am going on and on. i guess it does help to write. i just think life is so much work. maybe i should just shut up and be greatful for what i do have and not what i dont have. about 3 years ago i had a heart attack and dies. they really had to bring me back to life. my wife for 2 days didn't even no if i was going to live. well i came out of it ok. why can't i just be happy with what i have? i do take meds but i don't see a shrink anymore. it got to be to much money. i guess i could find one that takes my health insurance. thanks for reading i feel better right now. and im 40 years old and from pittsburgh. probally helps to no my age range. anyhow thanks again

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/23/11 6:26pm

Hello again


So were these episodes in any way connected to your wish to harm yourself?  Are you feeling as though you are letting down your family by not working right now?  And will you be able to return to work?


I am glad it helps to write this all out.  It does sound like maybe talking to a therapist would help to sort all this out. 


It is very nice to want to help your friends out but sometimes you can't.  It doesn't make you less of a person.  It just may be the situation right now. 


Is the gambling something you have concerns about?  Is it something you do to relieve stress?  Is it becoming more of an addiction?


It isn't so unusual to think about your life and what it means...especially after having a heart attack and being so close to death.  Maybe part of you really wants to live to the fullest but you are not sure what that means.  This might be a good topic to discuss in therapy.


Good to see you back.  I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

hatemyself, Community Member
8/25/11 4:00pm

well i need to stop going to the casino for sure. never gamble what you can't afford to lose. and right now i don't have it to lose. it does relieve stress when i go but maybe i need to find another way. my wife is such a saint, she really is and i should try harder to help her with her needs. i am feeling better but now my wife and i are facing a real problem. i have a 20 year old son who had some special needs. he hasn't lived at home for about 4 years. he has been in and out of places since he was 10. now i love my son to death but man what he has put us through in his 20 years. it really all started when he has 3 years old. i kid you not. but anyhow the place he is at dosen't want him there anymore and they want to put him in some homeless place. so we have to sit down and talk. i'm so afraid to bring him back home. my wife is his step mom and the stuff she has put up with him. i just don't think it is fair to put her through that. although she thinks of him as her son. but i have to take care of my son. so i probally could use somebody to talk to with all these new stuff comming up. the truth is when we have him just for a weekend we are ready for him to go back. i no it sounds wrong but having a child like him is so hard!!!!!  i love him so much but, well i think you get the picture. thanks again for writting back and reading this.

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/25/11 4:48pm

Hi there


Well I can tell you that a lot of us here have children having special needs.  Myself and Judy included for starters.  May we ask what sort of special needs your son has? 


I don't know what your situation is but this may be a good time to get together with a social worker who can assist you in figuring out how you will manage him either coming home to you or finding another placement.  It sounds like you could benefit from talking to a therapist about all this.  These are some heavy issues you are dealing with.


Thank you for sharing and I hope your week improves.

hatemyself, Community Member
8/27/11 12:51am

well there not really sure what my son has. now if you meet him you might think he was normal. he has very bad social skills. adhd. i no what your thinking its not that big of a deal. but trust me i have had 5 doctors and so many shrinks tell me he has many problems they just don't no what to really say, i did have one doctor tell me he would be just the right person for long term mental health but they just don't have the hospitals anymore. but anyhow i/m feeling ok. i hate to write my problems i have always been the type to help others not myself. but i must admit i like having you people write me back. ok you people not the best wording. but you no what i mean. so since i am new whay kind of site is this? i just found it one night when i was feeling so bad. anyhow i do look forward to you writting back. is this a site were we don't ask questions? or is it ok to ask were your from and how many kids you have? i don't want to ask. ok i hope you write back. oh and perhaps i might just be able to help you guys out. well i'm a chef even with just a dinner idea.

TechnoMom, Community Member
8/27/11 12:04pm

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better! It is often easier to focus on other people's problems than your own. As long as you aren't in denial about your own problems, that's okay.

One thing about your son before answering your other questions. He's definitely old enough to stand on his own, and it sounds like he needs to try that. He was in his own place before, but you mentioned him selling the fridge you bought for him? If you're buying him anything or giving him any money, you're still bailing him out. He needs to stand completely on his own in practical terms, which means you give him nothing but love. Don't allow him in his house. Don't give or loan him anything material. See him (preferably on neutral territory) regularly, listen to him with love, but don't let him manipulate you and stand firm with not helping him materially. Yes, he probably will get worse before he gets better, but right now, he's depending on you because he knows that he can. He is your son, but he's also an adult. Your wife needs to come first now. 

This is a site where people with health-related concerns come to find information, ask questions, help and support each other. This particular area is about depression, but there are many other areas, too. You can go to and look around, if you like, to see all the other areas. If you go up above our discussion here to the navigation bar at the top of the page, you should see a blue button that says "Connect" - if you click on it, you'll get a drop-down menu that lets you see various ways to interact with people in the depression section of the site.


You can also click on someone's name to see whatever they've entered about themselves (if anything) if their profiles, and send messages directly to them. 


I don't think there's anything wrong with asking people just about anything you would ask in polite conversation with someone you met in any other context. I'm from Atlanta and have one daughter in college who just moved out to an apartment for the first time. My partner has two kids who are in college, too, but they moved across the country from us years ago to live with their mother, so they've been gone a lot longer. We've officially got an empty nest now, though, and are making that adjustment.

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/27/11 1:01pm



Hey just wanted to thank you for all your responses and support you are giving to other members.  You and others like you iis what makes our community so are going through your own issues but you are still willing to go out of your way to help others here.


Just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate you.  And please...lean on us too...with whatever you are going through.  We are here for you.

TechnoMom, Community Member
8/27/11 4:31pm

Thank you :-) I'm fortunate to live very close to a peer support center and have an excellent therapist and psychiatrist, and sometimes I am also in group therapy. The only problem is paying the co-pays! (Not the peer support, of course - that's free.) I do appreciate the recent posts that offered financial resources, but I fall into that difficult gap where I'm insured and just above the qualification point for most programs.


I find it helpful to reach out and try to help others, similar to gratitude exercises. It often helps to be more thankful for what I have. There's also the empty nest issue. The transition from homeschooling to having my girl in college wasn't easy, but now it's even more difficult to have her gone. The cat and I are alone here most of the time while my partner is at work, so I interact with people online. I'm not much for casual chat (or real-time chat, period), so forum interactions are much better.

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/27/11 6:59pm

Hey Technomom!


Well you and I have something in common.  I am also a homeschooler mom.  I am presently homeschooling my son who has autism.  And I am also a lover of cats...I have two. 


It must be hard to adjust to being alone most of the day.  I am glad you did find this forum.  The one good thing about such sites is that you can write and correspond at your convenience. 


The empty nest syndrome sounds like a good topic...I may write about in the future.  A lot of our members are going through the same thing.  I had a sorrowful moment looking at old baby stuff...we are decluttering...and knowing that those times are gone now.  Although a friend of mine keeps insisting I am not too old to have another baby (I am 46 and more babies for me!).  Life changes and we must change and adapt with it.  It is hard though isn't it?


It is great to have you here.  Anytime you wish to write a sharepost we would be thrilled. 


Thank you for being a part of this site.

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/27/11 1:15pm

Hello again


First of all...ADHD can be a very serious issue.  We do have an ADHD site...I write there as well as Deborah Gray and the Community Leader there...Eileen Bailey.  These are some excellent writers and both Deborah and Eileen have first hand experience in dealing with the issues related to ADHD.  In a lot of cases ADHD is not a stand alone condition...there can be multiple co-morbid conditions.  My teen-age son has symptoms of ADHD but these are related to his severe autism.  I know from experience as well as many members here...that having a child with special needs can be exhausting both mentally and physically. 


What kind of site is this?  I like to say it is what we make of it here.  This is a support site.  It is a site to provide information and resources about depression for people who have it and their loved ones or just anyone who is interested in mood disorders.  This is a site where we share what we are comfortable sharing with one another.  It is not a crisis intervention site.  It is not manned 24 hours a day.  We have no real chat function.  And it is definitely not a site to replace your therapist or to provide medical advice.  This is...peer support.


You can ask questions....we have a question/answer feature.  We have a sharepost feature as technomom has pointed out.  We would be honored if you feel you would like to create a sharepost describing what is going on in your life.  You may get more members to respond this way.  And most of us have profiles and if you want to know can read the profiles and see what we are about.  Some people wish to maintain more of their privacy and that is okay too.  But mainly...people are here to give and receive write to others who "get" depression and how to cope in the day to day.


We are very glad you are feeling better.  And we hope that you explore the other features of the site and become a regular contributor and participant. 


Thank you for joining our site!

hatemyself, Community Member
9/ 2/11 9:37pm

thanks for being so nice. wow i hate life so bad sometimes.  anyhow thanks for writting back.

TechnoMom, Community Member
8/21/11 6:08pm

I have to tell you that I tried it, many years ago. My very first thought as I was clawing my way back to consciousness a few days later in the ICU was, "Damn, that was stupid." I couldn't really remember exactly WHY I had done it then, and I'd added a lot of physical nastiness to what I had been dealing with before - along with hurting everybody who cared about me.


Talk to somebody. It doesn't matter if it's somebody at one of those phone numbers or somebody else. Just talk honestly. It'll help to share some of the load. Don't worry about being "boring." You don't exist to entertain anybody.


Good luck!


hatemyself, Community Member
8/23/11 3:21pm

thanks for the kind words

too much pain, Community Member
6/30/12 8:23am

Im going to try 30 plus blood pressure pills and whiskey hopefully it works. Ive lost mom 3 years ago,this year lost 2 grandfathers 1 grandmother 1 uncle and my dad. my son is faceing 14 years jail time and my beautiful wife had me kicked out and wants divorce and my house,and now I cant even see my babies (dogs).I just cant handle anymore pain. will try the pills tonight or tomorrow.

bandti1201, Community Member
12/21/12 12:42pm

You arent alone, I wish that once I go to sleep I dont wake up either, but I havent killed myself bcz I cant make my mother go throught that. I wish you the best, but know you arent alone

jojo, Community Member
1/16/14 12:02pm

I'm sorry....if you are dead, who really gives a shit about the people you leave behind.  Half of them are probably part of the cause of a person being suicidal in the first place.  Insensitive family members who don't stop to think, oh I know she used to be suicidal, but I guess it has been a year, so I can criticize her and call her names and tell her basically how worthless she is, and it won't affect her, no, it won't make her wish she were dead.  Bull!  Family members need to learn one important lesson.....shut your damn mouths.  I sometimes think how I would love to die and leave them all to figure it out....the only ones I care about hurting are my kids, and my pets.  And my kids are just another source of my pain because I don't get to see them....I have been harassed and punished for having mental illness and had my life, my children, taken from me, and really after that no day is worth living....just for them and that is my sacrifice because truly I'd rather be dead.Wish I could help you with best ways to kill yourself....I have tried everything and I'm still here.

Patch, Community Member
8/19/11 6:49am

Been there (several times), felt that, resisted the temptation, and life is good again.  Anything we here can help you deal with?  You are important, you are valued, and we WILL listen.

Paul, Community Member
8/19/11 10:59am

This is the last place to ask that question. People here are trying to survive.


Come here and look for help with what has made you ask this question, read some of the shareposts on this site, where people have been, where people are, and you'll find you're not alone.


I can't give you speeches, not good at that. I can give you some phone numbers of people to talk with, around the clock. This is not a staffed crisis center, but there are some, and there are sites dedicated to helping you. I won't say everyone you reach will be the Miracle Worker; they are people like us, some better at their job than others.


Just ask, if you want those. I know from reading here that some people have been helped, some are alive because they reached the right person.


Or, write here, what is the matter? No one knows you or will, and you can get a lot of good information and comments to what you write.


Would you like those numbers and information?


hatemyself, Community Member
8/21/11 5:02pm

dude i never asked for a damn speech. if you don't have an answer than shut your pie hole. thats the bottom line because kill my self said so!!!!!!!!!!

Merely Me, Health Guide
8/23/11 6:33pm

Hi again


Just wanted to say that Paul has been a member here for some years.  He honestly is trying to help as he does for anyone who is reaching out.  He is a very good person and has good intentions. 


I hope you find comfort on this site.  The members are stellar and there is a lot of support and compassion on our site.


We are here for you. 

hatemyself, Community Member
9/ 2/11 9:29pm

gowell i feel so bad tonight. i did something so stupid. man it was so stupid. i'm not going to say im going to kill myself. i know that makes people mad. and killing youself i guess is something you eather do or don't do anyhow. i just can't understand when you make a mistake how people treat you. i could be a my lowest point in a very very long time. im not ever sure what to write. i wish i could get some help. i just have so much going on right now. i feel like nobody cares. im not looking for simpathy. i would never want that.  i think im going to have to do a few things that i don't want to do. not saying killing myself. am i atleast aloud to say i hope i dont wake up tommor? god i wish i wouldn't. i mean i hate to leave my family but sometimes i think they would better off without me. they probally would be. i wish i had the balls to end it. i'm not ever good at that. i hope i didn't make any of you feel down by reading this. not sure were to turn. i couldn't feel more like a piece or trash than i do right now.

TechnoMom, Community Member
9/ 3/11 6:25am

You're allowed to say whatever you feel like saying. I'm glad you aren't going to kill yourself, or leave your family. They would miss you if you were gone - you know that somewhere, rationally, I'm sure. When we're so very low, it's easy to feel as though we're so bad they couldn't possibly want or need us, and that's what you're feeling now (or were feeling when you wrote this message). I've certainly felt that way, and I've gotten multiple episodes of it.


You and I are parents, and we are married or in committed relationships, so we don't get to just quit. Our children and husbands or wives have brought us a lot of joy (I know mine have), and the flip side is that we've made an implicit promise to be there for them. My daughter was born in 1990, and I'm seriously alive today because of a promise I made to myself shortly after that. I seriously believe that I owe it to her to stick around as long as she needs me, because I brought her into this world. Now I realize that didn't just mean 18 or 21 years, but much longer, because the death of a parent is a blow at any age. 


It sucks to do things you don't want to do, but a lot of people are having to do them because of the economy lately. How bad are we talking about? Have you discussed these things with your wife? It really is important that the two of you work as a team to get through the hard times, especially.


I'm sorry that someone reacted badly to a mistake. Is the person someone you're clode to? Can you speak to him or her about how you are feeling as a result? Maybe the two of you could work things out so that you could both avoid having the mistake and the reaction happen in the future.


*hugs* (if that's okay) I do hope you get to feeling better. Take care and be firmly gentle with yourself, if that makes any sense.

Merely Me, Health Guide
9/ 3/11 9:48am

Hello again


I am just reading this now...saturday morning. 


Can you tell us what you did you felt was stupid?  It is clear that there is more going on here than maybe you are comfortable sharing.  Is this something you can explore with a therapist?


It seems you are feeling trapped somehow and that there are little choices to the challenges you are facing.  When we feel trapped...this is when we get depressed and frightened.


Few people want sympathy when they are so depressed...they just want to find some way to end the pain.  Ending yourself is not the way to do already know that.  But perhaps there are other solutions or choices you have not thought of before.  I think you need to let others help you to discover these possible solutions or find a way to accept certain things in your life that you cannot control.  I am speaking in generalities of course...because we don't know exactly what is going on.


But you can get through this.  It is possible.  And there are people who care. 


Keep writing.  We are not therapists here or a crisis intervention site...but we can provide peer support and talk about how we have gotten through our own struggles.


Please do not do anything to harm yourself.  If you need those emergency numbers again please let us know.


Thank you for coming back to tell us how you are doing...whether it is good or bad...we want to hear it.



Amy, Community Member
3/ 2/12 2:05am

i feel like killing myself tonight. just dont want the pain. 

sandy, Community Member
9/27/12 3:06am

person that ask a way out should seek help from a doc or minister. call ur friends and talk openly about whats bothering you. if you end ur life you will miss the best to come . do not take ur life. God will let you know when to come home. and listen to a higher power. this is only temperarly. get over it and try to get a new life. enjoy the family u have and mens the fences along the way. go to the gem and meet new people. don't be a chicken and put your shoes on and go out to live. no one in their right mind will tell u how to end. cuz there is already a plan for ur life.its up to u to

Angel of Death, Community Member
11/26/12 2:29am

I feel bad that after all this time no one answered your question, and to tell you the truth, it was a hard one to find an answer for. Every time someone asks it, people start in with the speeches. But I found a site where someone posted the following information:

"Inhaling an inert gas like helium is probably the best way to go. No agony, no pain. You don't build up any CO2 in your bloodstream, so it doesn't feel like suffocating. You just fall asleep and after a while, you die.
There are a few things you have to be careful with though.
a) make sure nobody can find you shortly after you've started, otherwise they might save you and you'll have major brain damage.
b) make sure you take measures that you can't take off the mask. Cuff yourself behind the back and wear a plastic bag over your head, just to make sure.


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By hatemyself, Community Member— Last Modified: 03/01/14, First Published: 08/19/11