Saturday, August 02, 2008 heyyou asks

Q: How do I tell anyone? Hiding it is so difficult.

I can't keep hiding my problem forever. What is there out there that will help others

understand depression? How can I make them see it is an ailment and that I'm not Crazy or whinny? I hate the comment " just cheer up".

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Answers (3)

Christopher Lukas, Health Guide

8/ 5/08 12:40pm

I think it's one of the most difficult things to "explain" depression to those with whom you live. I have an essay (sharepost) on this very subject, coming up in a few weeks, but let me say something about it to you personally. I have had depression off and on for 60 years. I was married for 46 of those years. My wife would get up in the morning and say, "Oh, what a beautiful day. Aren't we lucky!" And I would think "what are we so lucky about? Something terrible might happen today." She knew I felt this way and she knew that my feelings had a NAME: depression.

Knowing that it had a name, and that I was ill (I took medicine) made it a lot easier for me; and it made it somewhat easier for her. She could then realize that when I was "whining" or irritable, I wasn't doing it to hurt her. I was doing it because my brain was doing funny things.

Sometimes, however, even knowing the name for my problem, she would shout at me, "Stop it. I can't take it any more." The funny thing was that that often made my behavior change. For a day or so, my depression went away. The shouting and her dismay actually helped me be on a more even keel. I'm NOT suggesting that that's the way your friends and relatives should treat you, but I am suggesting that knowing that you're depressed will give them a) some understanding; b) some tools to help them cope, too.

As to how to tell them: why don't you give them this note that I've written you? Or paraphrase it for yourself to say....

Christopher Lukas

mel

8/ 4/08 11:47am

People aren't very clever love. They don't have all the answers most of the time in their life and with deppression it is clinical and therfore requires a trained proffessional, you don't have to "hide" your deppression, you need to go to your doctor and ask to be refereed to somebody who "can" help you to deal with it.

As for your friends and family, unless you live with trained psychatrists, they don't have the capacity to understand mental illness or the effects it has, so actually them telling you to cheer up, they probably meant well, but deppression does't work like that, and I know I have been managing manic deppression for 28 years. However, good news is this, if you actually show some maturity here and go to a clinic and explain you are suffering with deppression and ask for them to refer you, you will probably end up with weekly appointments and thus, your family may start to realise that something is actually wrong and maybe that will encourage them, if they are able,to support you more, I think if people around you just see this miserable, angry person, they probably, (people being self centered) will just think you Don't like them or you are hostile to them and try to get you to cheer up! People are easily hurt and can misunderstand deppressives attitude is not focused at them or about dragging them down,so it is key you deal with your deppression as an adult and you take responsablity for it, others can't heal you, it took me 20 years to realise that on this one you have to find ways to manage your deppression and you can get that support through counselling, and looking after yourself better, eating well, sleeping and knowing the triggers, you can also if you are working let the relevant people know in a mature form, by taking in an oficial doctor's letter, opposed to sat their being a whinner. Good luck with this and believe you me, deppression is painful and challenging but you can still with the right self management live a life without wallowing in self pity which only serves to make your deppression worse.

Windydeb

8/ 7/08 12:50am

Why do you feel the need to hide your depression? I felt that way at one

time, but, getting into the hospital & finding a diagnosis is very important.

I had multiple suicide attempts. No self fixes with this. And so I was hospitalized in 1986 finally. But in 1998 I found a counselor who (a woman) was

& still is my therapist. That is the key - find someone you can talk to. If your Dr.

will not listen, dump him! I feel it is so important to get someone you can trust.

You have to be comfortable. Not feeling anything negative. It is a trial & error

thing. Get a good workup with your Doctor - bloodwork and a reputable therapist. It takes some work. You cannot bluff your way through this - be real!

They can spot someone not telling the truth - they have heard it all! believe me!

See people who tell you to to "buck up or cheer up" have not walked in your

shoes. Till they do you have to remember: "you teach people how to treat you"

(Dr. Phil) Theres no need to be a doormat! I did that for 30 years! Not at