she is now in a behavioral care center under treatment for suicidal thoughts. we are Christians, yet she tries to manipulate me or others into doing for her, and then she beats herself up mentally which starts a physical downward spiral into a deep depression. i think she is mixed up about her sexuality due to past traumas, and wants to be seen as a dyke. she really scares me because of her bullying ways, yet she seems to have no life unless it is dependent on filling someone else's dreams. she has no dreams for herself. help!!!!
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Q: how can i help my twenty four year old stepdaughter come to grips with her depression and have hope?
Answers (1)
8/14/09 10:05am
I'm not sure you can help anyone 'come to grips' with depression, but I'm sure her therapy is intended to help her cope better with her situation.
Depression isn't something desired but it may be the manifestation of deeper troubles. The person you are talking about is your stepdaughter, I wonder if you know anything about her family history as this can sometimes perspective. She is clearly receiving treatment but it sounds as though you are not included (some places do not offer family therapy).
From what you say I get the impression that your view of her behavior is against your Christian values? I think it gets quite complicated if you attribute behavior resulting from mental ill health in this way. Her behavior is presumably something that is being reviewed as a part of therapy. I think if you really want an answer to your question, and no doubt a host of others you may have, the best thing to do is to arrange an appointment with those who are providing her care.
8/14/09 11:31am
I'm not surprised that the situation is more complex than your first post suggested. I can really only make quite general comments which may not be of too much help. From my perpective this is something I've seen quite often - not the details of what you say but the fact that you are being excluded from the process.
I suspect your pain is partly due to fact that she is unwilling to share confidences with you, but will with others. You also want to 'do' something that will help. In the first instance I think you have to respect the wishes of your step-daughter over who she wants to confide in. In the second case, you can't really do anything for anyone if they don't really want you to. Parental roles are often seen as controlling and as a 24 year old she probably wants to pull away from this. Her circumstances clearly don't allow her independence so I guess this may form part of the tension.
It may mean that you have to fundamentally re-assess how you think about her situation and how best to support her. It will always be tempting to intervene and give advice but you've already seen how this is received. I don't mean that you should not set boundaries as to what is appropriate but you may just find that unconditional love goes further. In time she may ask you about your thoughts.
I can't suggest to you what is best but I feel you could legitimately enquire about the welfare of another without intruding too far into personal details. If you explain your situation to a clinician they may be able to offer advice from perspectives I'm unaware of.
I wish you all well.
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By real live momma— Last Modified: 12/22/10, First Published: 08/14/09
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due to the hippa act, she refuses to let me or her dad find out anything. maybe she thinks her "secrets" are not to be shared with us, but we are frustrated. she lives with us, but is 2 hours away at a facility where she was involuntarily committed this week due to her talking to a friend on the phone who suggested we take her to er, as she was having suicidal tendencies...with a plan.
she has suffered from depression all her life, and her older brother molested her for years until he went into the navy....all through her teenage years. i have been married to her dad for 4 years, and see she has changed a little. she wants to make everyone happy, and is instead making herself miserable. she only wants to text on her cell phone, paid by her dad, spend any money she gets on baggy pant clothes and tshirts that are mostly black. she touched a female stepcousin inappropriately last saturday night at an overnight function, so it seems to me she has gay tendencies, perhaps becasue of all the abuse from her brother. she longs for love....and buys expensive items to give to someone she "cares for" to start with. I have seen this 3 times since i have been in her life. it is a pattern, then it blows up, because of something she tries to get them into that is unhealthy, or they are younger than her and she entices them. i hate what happens, to them, to her, and to how she goes downhill when it comes to rejection from someone she "loves". How can we become involved when it is something she did not disclose to us, but we have been told since she has been entered as a patient this week? she does not know what i have been told, and i want to ask her about it, but wonder if i should ever breathe a word to her about it.....and let her work it out with herself and her friends....i want to confront her truthfully....she tends to tell one lady at our church about everthing, and tells her not to tell us. This lady has not told me anything, yet another member of our family told it all to me. See my situation? Maybe she knows where I stand on the subject of having gay tendencies and does not want to have me think bad of her......i just hate being in the middle of her mental wellness and having her do something that is so detrimental to a family member sexually who is 16 and a female.
she thinks her brother, here at home, can be a pervert and tells him that when he has anything sexual to say out loud. i told him that it was normal to have sexual tendencies especially at their ages (he;s 21 and she's 24).....but she used to say all the time that sex was nasty. should me and her dad make a point to call and talk with her treatment coordinator at the facility where she is at? how do we get past the hippa act for an emotionally disturbed 24 year old who still lives at home and is on her dad's insurance since she began having these hospitalizations before she was 22?