What can a person do when she feels desperately in need of help but has no where to turn? The anxiety and depression I've lived with for years have become worse than I ever imagined possible. It hurts just to be conscious. Every waking minute of every single day feels like torture. The pain is so relentless and the hopelessness I feel is so extreme that I wake up terrified by the knowledge that I will have to live through another day. I constantly think about dying and believe there is no other way out of this nightmare. I need for this pain to end but I don't want to hurt my son and daughter. Their father died when they were much younger and there are no other relatives of ours who even acknowledge that I or my kids exist. My daughter is 20 and my son just turned 18. I realize that they're not helpless babies anymore but I think they both are struggling with depression because of their constant exposure to me. My son has told me that he often thinks he'd be better off dead. He said he'd rather be in heaven with his dad than in hell here on earth. For the past several months he's been staying alone in his room with the curtains drawn after school and on weekends. He's lost a lot of weight and says he just doesn't ever feel hungry anymore. He told me about thoughts and feelings he had that I don't know how to help him to deal with because my own thoughts and feelings are filled with so much negativity and hopelessness. My daughter also said that she has to constantly fight against feeling so depressed that she wants to just drop out of college and give up on everything. I don't know what to do. Several months ago I tried to find help through the local mental health center . I repeatedly left a message on their answering machine telling them that my family was in serious trouble emotionally and I needed to talk to someone. I left my name and number as requested but no one ever returned my calls. Finally, I was able to reach a counselor at the clinic. She said she would call me back as soon as possible to schedule an appointment but I never heard from her again. I tried one last time a few weeks ago and was told that the clinic was booked solid with a very long waiting list . I am so scared. Everything is falling to pieces and I don't have any friends or family. There is no where to find help for my kids and I can't stop wanting it to just end. It is terrifying to know that no one cares, that there is no help and I don't know how to make anything okay anymore. I think even if I screamed and begged and pleaded for help, no one would hear me or care.
Q: What to do if you're a depressed mother with depressed children?
Hello, Sharry. I'm so sorry that you're having such trouble getting any help. Are your kids willing to get help themselves? There is just so much you can do for them, but it's important that you take care of yourself - once you do that, it makes it easier for them to heal, as well. Please don't give up trying to get help. Here's a sharepost by Merely Me on what to do when you feel like you can no longer cope. There are some crisis numbers included. Do you have insurance? If you do, you might try calling their customer service people for a referral. If worse comes to worst and you feel like you might harm yourself, don't hesitate to go to an emergency room. I know that the mental health system isn't perfect and it can be very frustrating. But your life depends on it, so don't let up until you get what you need. Do you belong to a church? Perhaps someone there can help you get the ball rolling. If you are working, does your employer have an employee services department? That can also be a source of help.
You can also read a number of other shareposts by Merely Me (you can access them from the one I've linked you to here), as well as comments made by community members that you might find helpful. If it would help to write here about what's going on, we're here to listen.
Please let us know what happens and if there's anything else we might be able to do to help. Depression can be healed. We've all been there - healing starts with reaching out, which you've been doing - just don't stop!
I admit I am not that way now! I have gotten help through my Rheumy doc. I understand how you feel.. I've been depressed my whole life.. Aren't there any clinics or just go to the hospital.. tell them how you are feeling. I can't be sure, but they should help you even with out insurance. Just say you will pay every month... as long as you pay, they should be happy. Eventually, You may even be able to have it excused. I wouldn't worry about money, you need to take care of you, that alone will help you kids.. they don't want to see you the way you are... so you need to fix you!!!! I feel for you and pray for you. Please, don't feel your alone. We are here for you... and there are many other sites. Just find one you like... I myself needed online friends to get through alot!!! Good luck!!! Remember, just love those kids and get help. the hospital may even be able to steer you in the right direction.... please get help!!! we love you!!!!
Sharry, here is a post written by Merely Me some time ago about how to get help when you don't have the money or insurance. I'm hoping you will find something useful in there. You don't have to accept that there are no answers or solutions - because there are. It's a matter of finding them. Call a crisis number if you have to. Talk to your regular doctor - just reach out. And, of course, you can write here any time, it's just that we're not here 24/7 and can't help you in the same way as a real, live person can. Keep us posted, okay?
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Thank you so much for trying to help me. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner but I do appreciate your advice. I only wish I had been able to find help before it got to this point. I've become completely unable to function. I honestly did not think it was possible to become so paralyzed by the pain and hopelessness and shame. I don't belong to a church,I'm not employed and don't have medical insurance. I know that doesn't really leave any options for potential sources of help. I guess I just don't know how to accept that there are no answers and no solutions. I know it's very hard for my son and daughter to see me being this way,crying all of the time and acting so withdrawn and apathetic.They can't talk to anyone about how scared and helpless it must make them feel. I want so much to tell them not to worry,it's going to be okay, but they would know it was not the truth. When they come home from school they both go to their rooms and stay there . We don't say anything to each other anymore. No one watches tv or listens to music. There's just an unending silence and sadness. I don't know how it will end but I continue to hope and pray that my kids will be okay. Thank you, again, for trying to help me find a solution.