Q: I'm depressed because my boyfriend lives 700 miles away from me. He doesn't know if he wants me back. He wants me to get a job, then maybe I can come back.
Hello Allanah
I have already responded to your post but did want to respond here as well.
We really don't know your boyfriend but...this just doesn't seem right. Who is he to set these rules? It should be up to you as to whether you want a job and when. Perhaps he truly does care about you but this ultimatum seems a bit controlling to me.
I am worried that you are basing your self esteem and self worth and loveability upon your boyfriend. He is just a guy and every bit as human as everyone else. You don't need to put him on a pedastal and also put yourself down in the process.
You are important. You are loveable. You are worthy. And these things are not dependent upon getting this particular job or what your boyfriend says. I know this sounds like a crock but...there will always be other jobs...there can be other boyfriends. Do not give these events or people this power to destroy your self worth...you are more than that.
I am going to give you some hotline numbers just in case you need them.
National Suicide Hopeline
Phone: 800.784.2433
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 800.273.8255
Please do write back here as well. We would like to know if you are okay.
Hi again
It is great if this is your goal...to get a job. And remember even if it doesn't happen now...it will happen eventually. One way to get that experience may be to get more training, schooling, or to volunteer.
I have to say...8 months...is not really a long time. It sounds like he is pushing you away for whatever reason. Be cautious with your heart and also with your time. You deserve someone who is there for you.
Let us know how things work out. We are rooting for you.
It is my goal. Getting a job is my number one priority at this point in my life. I hope that I get something very soon because I need this to help boost my confidence and I will feel proud that I did something with my life. Well for me 8 months is a long time because he is the first boyfriend that I've ever had. I think its great that we have lasted this long. The longest girlfriend hes had has been a year, so I think if we can make it past that then we will be together forever. He wants to get married someday he says, and I hope that does happen because I love him with all my heart. He just doesn't know what he wants right now, it seems like he is confused with what he wants right now in a relationship. He used to be there for me, but now hes just too busy with other things. I wish he would talk to me about his problems and how hes feeling, but he doesn't. He talks to his sister about anything because they are so close. And I want to be that way with him. I wish he felt comfortable telling me anything, because he knows I will listen to whatever he has to say. Thank you very much for listening to my problems.
WOW!! How Men can make u feel like shit. Worrying about him sucks. I'm in a similar situation. My now ex boyfriend thinks I'm a loser because i lost my job. i need to proove to him. I don't want too. He's no better then me. he just has more friends who have more connections. don't let him bring you down. I don't know you, and I'm not by no means an any position to give any advise. BUT I DO KNOW IS .. you have nothing to proove to anyone except yourself.
I know that I need to get a job and I want to get a job to prove that I can do something with my life. He just doesn't understand that I'm working my ass off to get a job. I've applied everywhere in the small town that I live in. Over 20 different places! And I just now got an interview, but I'm probably not going to get the job because I have no experience. Your not a loser because you lost your job, at least you did have a job that should be enough for him.
There should never be conditions on love. If your boyfriend really accepted you for who you are, and where you are in your life right now, then he wouldn't be putting conditions on you.
I had to learn to be alone- to love me, to accept me before I would allow anyone else to. It's hard work, and sometimes seems unattainable, but it is worth the effort to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you" to yourself.
I hope you can find your path to yourself and that you can find happiness there.
Take Care, and good luck on the job front.
T.
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Thank your for responding. I really do want to get a job because I need to do something with my life. I want to be able to support myself instead of having to rely on him for money all the time. He says he does care about me, but I do also think that he can be a little controlling at times, just because he wants me to do something doesn't mean that I have to, but I actually do want to. I don't want there to be another boyfriend, we have been together for 8 months now. I've been through so much with him that I don't want to let him go. He has always been there for me, but now it just seems like he has way too much going on in his own life to care about me. He is stressed out from his own job, whether he should go back to school or not and with the debt that he has. I want to be there for him, but he just won't let me in his life at the moment. He says he wants to get married, but he doesn't know right now. He just doesn't know what he wants in life right now and it hurts me so bad.