I moved here from az a year ago to care for him after finding each other after 30 years. i have not been employed since here due to wanting to help him deal with the cancer and chemo. now i cannot find a job. i also left a marriage of 30 years to move here and am now divorced. i just don't see anything good in a day or the future. i get up every day and try to cope but i feel so lost. The face i put on is a false sense of everything is ok and getting better but i don't really see it. i had been drinking too much but realized that wasn't going to solve anything and Mike would be so disappointed that i am having such a hard time dealing with all of this. i just don't know what to do or who to talk to.
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Q: I lost my partner Mike last month to stage iv esophageal cancer that he had fought for 3 years. We loved each other so much. i can't stop crying and some people say i need "to get over it".
Answers (1)
7/10/11 2:29pm
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. Don't listen to those people who tell you to just get over it - grief doesn't work that way.
Do you have someone you can talk to, or would it be possible for you to find a therapist who could support you during this rough time? We can help you find resources, or at least try, if you don't know where to look. Usually, you can find some kind of help through your county social services dept. Also, there may be support groups around that might be helpful. Where I live, a lot of funeral homes offer this kind of help as part of their services.
I'm guessing you probably don't have a lot of friends if you've only lived there for a year and it sounds like all your time was spent taking care of your partner. Now it's time to take care of yourself. We're here if you want someone to listen or offer feedback, but you also need some real, live people in your life who can understand what you're going through.
Take care and keep us posted on how you're doing.
7/10/11 4:29pm
I have four sisters here who try to help but they have lives of their own. I grew up here so I have friends and family here. Hospice helped me the last week of his life and were wonderful and this morning I remembered that they have free programs to help with families and caregivers deal with grief so I am calling them first thing in the morning. The grief just really gets to me sometimes when I am alone or especially at night. We were each others best friends and just didn't have enough time. I am sure Hospice will be able to help as they were wonderful. Thank you for just answering today as the weekends are difficult because everyone is busy with their families and right now I have no one because everyone is walking around me like there are eggs all around me.
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By Mike's girl— Last Modified: 07/10/11, First Published: 07/10/11
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