Feeling an emotion, even anger, is not wrong, but what you do with the anger can be helpful or hurtful. Those are your choices right now. Ask yourself what would benefit your children most. Would it help them for you to be in conflict with their grandparents/aunts/uncles? Probably not. Remember, your children did not cause the conflict between you and your ex, or between you and your family. You need to find a way to heal these wounds so that when your children eventually come to you and ask what happened, you can not only explain your anger at the time, but also what you did to resolve it as a mature man.

Dear dflat, I'm sorry about the anger you feel, but I well understand how you feel, I have anger issues from a bad divorce 28 yrs. ago. I truly loved my ex but the drug abuse and violence that my children seen was too much, I knew he would kill me, and I'll give him credit he tried, but God has been good to me. The pain from the past never ends, it is such a big part of us. Your family probably thought they were doing the right thing just to be able to see the kids, but I cant imagine my family, my blood not telling me what was going on. After I divorced my husband, I gave him joint custody, I couldnt in all honesty take away from my kids who they were part of, even if we didnt get along. It was difficult and there were times it was a living hell. If he failed to remember one of their birthdays, or didnt come to see them, they would not say Mom how could you, you took my Daddy away. Your kids will find you, believe me they want to know who they are. Keep lines open for them to find you. Ask your family how your children are, let them know some way how broke your heart is and you wait for the day you can see them. I'm so sorry to know someone has had to battle forces that are out of our control just to see their kids. It is a terrible injustice when kids are used in divorce actions, they are innocent pawns in adult problems. Talk with your family and tell them how you feel, even if they are hard to deal with, you tried. You will be  in my prayers that you will be able to put your arms around your kids and tell them how much you love them. It takes courage to put your lifes problems on a web site, but that is when we are so desperate for help. My best to you and your kids. Peace, Mamee