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Friday, October 16, 2009 cryforhelp, Community Member, asks

Q: I'm depressed, poor, and don't feel comfortable being alive. What do I do?

If you were to ask anybody that knows me, but isn't close to me, they would say that I'm the happiest person in the world.  They think I don't get stressed by anything and that I'm always fair.  That's really who I want to be.  I'm so sensitive though to EVERYTHING.  So much is capable of ruining my day.  I used to be able to tell when I was legitimately upset by something, but now I can't tell the difference between my depression and the things that are supposed to upset me.  It's ruining every part of my life.  I've been having stress attacks at work.  I'll cry if I drop anything or have to do anything that involves using problem solving skills.  I feel useless.  I'm living with my boyfriend, who has always been good to me, I think, and takes care of me everyday.  And yet every other day I want to break up with him.  I make his life miserable because somedays I am so thankful and appreciative for what he does, because he does a lot for me, and yet other days I don't see anything but the negative.  I'm moving out because I don't want to hurt him anymore.  I'm paranoid and defensive.  So many times I think about how nice it would be if I happen to die today.  I don't want to kill myself, but I feel like I shouldn't have been born anyway, so it'd be a good thing if I died somehow today.  I'm sick of this taking over my life.  I want to appreciate the good things again.  I can't afford anything though.  I don't have help.  I'm scared that I'm going to have to get rid of my dog because if my motivation keeps on dropping like this, I'll have no right to own a living thing.  I want to be a dog trainer.  I have so many goals in life that I feel I'll never have the motivation to accomplish.  I don't want to be another loss to suicide.  I'm sick of my brain telling me that I can't be happy.  I'm scared.

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Answers (4)
Merely Me, Health Guide
10/16/09 5:00pm

Hi again

 

It sounds like you are going through a very bad time right now.  But do know that bad times do end...and it is possible to feel better.

 

I think it is time for you to reach out and get some help.  You say you don't have money so I want you to take a look at the resources from this article on how to get both therapy and/or medication for little to no money.

 

I know it is hard but you are going to have to make a little effort to get yourself some help.  Don't wait.

 

Let us know how you are doing in the days to come.

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Judy, Community Member
10/16/09 4:25pm

I'm sorry you're having such a miserable time.  I just responded to your post, but I'm going to give you this link to an article written by Merely Me on how to get help if you have no insurance and no money.  I hope you will consider getting some help because your depression is telling you some incorrect things.  There might be some medication that could help you, as well as therapy, so I hope you'll check out these resources.

 

Write again and let us know how you're doing, okay?

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Hypno, Community Member
10/17/09 10:29am
Sounds like you've hit a bad patch...don't worry it's temporary...it sounds as though your depressive thoughts are caused most probably by some anger repression...the intensity you feel is because you are not paying attention to your feelings and are trying to supress them rather than express them in a healthy way....easier said than done if you are not supported to do so by people who understand what you are going through right now...I think you need to talk things through...reach out and take a chance by letting someone know how and what you are feeling...you will feel a great weight lifting from you. As for the thoughts of suicide...they are only signalling that you want your internal pain to stop and NOT YOUR LIFE. They want you to stop ignoring your feelings and pay attention to them. You want to be a dog trainer...so each day take one action that will move you closer to your goal...take one small step at a time...don't rush it ... just become again the person of action that you are and do these things for yourself...take care of yourself...and write here on this site to offload your stress.The members on this site are really helpful and supportive. Hypno Reply
hopeful, Community Member
2/22/11 3:33pm

I understand, I feel the same way. I suggest talking to someone that can give you the money to go to a clinic and get some medicine. Zoloft helped me a lot and I plan to start taking it again. It does have a list of side effect....but I didn't get any negative side effect. It's an older drug so it's been proven affective without and serious side effects. Also, there is probably something in your life now or in the past that is causing you to feel this way. Try to find someone that you can talk to...someone that you trust and makes you feel better about yourself.

 

Also watching funny movies or being around people that make you laugh is good. Sunshine and walking helps. even if it's for 5 or 10 minutes. And if you're boyfriend really loves you....he'll support you and work through it with you.Kiss

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By cryforhelp, Community Member— Last Modified: 02/22/11, First Published: 10/16/09