I understand, I feel the same way. I suggest talking to someone that can give you the money to go to a clinic and get some medicine. Zoloft helped me a lot and I plan to start taking it again. It does have a list of side effect....but I didn't get any negative side effect. It's an older drug so it's been proven affective without and serious side effects. Also, there is probably something in your life now or in the past that is causing you to feel this way. Try to find someone that you can talk to...someone that you trust and makes you feel better about yourself.   Also watching funny movies or being around people that make you laugh is good. Sunshine and walking helps. even if it's for 5 or 10 minutes. And if you're boyfriend really loves you....he'll support you and work through it with you.