Q: My wife started having depressions after her first pregnancy. She didnt ask for treatment.One year after her second pregnancy she just left me putting all the fault on me for her disease....
Hello
Welcome to My Depression Connection
It sounds like you have been through a lot. I am trying to piece together your story so that we can better understand. How long have you been married? Are you from another country and which country are you presently living now? You don't have to answer anything you don't feel comfortable answering...I am just trying to get a more clear picture of the situation before giving any suggestions.
So she left you and is not allowing you to see the children? Is that what is going on? Is there talk of divorce? What are her reasons for leaving?
You say she has a long history of mood problems? Or was it especially worse after having children? Do you feel that she is suffering from post partum depression? This must be very hard for you.
What would you ultimately like to happen? We can provide information, resources, and support here...how can we best help you?
Sorry for asking so many questions but it is very hard to give any advice without knowing more of your story.
Please hang in there and keep writing to us. I hope we can give you some support in what you may be going through.
Hi, there. This must be very heartbreaking for you to go through. It's difficult to suggest things to do because of your being in another country, I don't know how things work there. Perhaps you could find someone in a position of legal authority to talk to, or perhaps there are some human service groups there. You DO have a right to see your children. If your wife is refusing to get help, there is probably very little you can do about that unless she is harming your children. Right now, if I were you, I'd let go of the idea of getting back together with her and just focus on your children. You can't make her get help and, of course, her family is going to protect her, especially if she's blaming you for her problems.
I have a son in his 30's who is currently separated from his wife, mostly because he's suffering from depression and, until recently, hasn't gotten any help. He's agreed to do so now and they both want their marriage to work, especially for the sake of their 2-year-old son who is very confused about what's going on. I know there are two sides to every story and knowing my son's history with depression, I would not support his not getting any help. But he is getting to spend time with his son every night and part of the week-ends.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and I wish I had some better ideas to give you. If there is anyone there that you've met, whom you feel comfortable with, maybe you could talk to them about what a person's options are in that country. I wish the best for you and your family and hope you will feel free to visit our site again any time - we can at least listen.
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I am married since 2007 but I am in this relationship with her since 2004....Yes I am from another country and I did that , I followed them only because I want to have my kids first and then my wife if possible back. At the moment she is not allowing me to see the kids more than once per week because she says that this makes worse everything related to her and then because of her, to them. She said that I should follow this rule untill she feels again stable and so the kids have not to suffer from her depressions and stress. When I talked about divorce and clearance , she said to me that is too expensive and it is not necessary at the moment. Her reasons of leaving me was that she believed that she lost herself through our relationship and mariage. She was saying that is not anymore herself because of me. The truth is that we had many dificulties because we were in some country where nobody could really help us with no familes on our sides and no friends... After she left me this country and she went back to her home country everything was much better. She liked to talk to me on the phone, she was trying to show me that she is still loving me and wants me back but suddenly was again different after I went to visit them for just four days. However, her unbalanced behaviour was something that I even observed from our first days of our relationship. She had a fear to let free her self .. and she was always saying things that contradict especially after she gave birth to our first child. Undouptelly, the fact that she had kids made her really , really different . She was just for them and had stress about everything. But you should know that I never stopped to feel that she loves me. I think she is so so confused and depressed from her parents. I have presents from her for my birthday which was on August and that was something that I didnt really expect. She always didnt know what exactly she wants. now I am here and she doesn want to see me , to talk and to listen to me. Its so "up and down" behaviour !!