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 Aside from all of the counseling themes you are facing, your antidepressant med is not doing it's job.  I assume you have been taking it for more than 10 days, so it has reached the appropriate serum level in your blood stream.  The correct functioning of an antidepressant is to create an affective "floor" which will not allow your mood to sink to such depths that you will be so actively considering suicide.  I have not heard of the antidepressant you are taking.  I have heard of Trazadone, however, a very strong anti-anxiety medications with anti-psychotic benefits, usually given to patients who cannot sleep due to their PTSD and depression.  Many patients feel groggy the next day, however that is a small price to pay if it is working for you.  You are going to need an increase in your dosage of the antidepressant, if possible.  That is, if it is helping you.  The treatment of choice for PTSD, by the way is group therapy and hypnosis.  You may have heard of an eye movement treatment for anxiety.  That is a cleverly disguised form of hypnosis.  I hope you can be a good subject for hypnosis.  It worked well for my anxiety.  The only problem is that it wears off, and you need 'booster' treatments.  The antidepressant is the first order of business, however.  You should not be having such recurrent quality of life torments, which naturally lead to thoughts of suicide.  You have blinders on when you do that to yourself, and do not allow yourself to see that you can and will get better.  I have been depresseed ever since it kicked in at age 18 from genetic roots.  Before I found a good antidepressant and counseling, I lost jobs, quit school, lost countless relationships, embarrassed my family, and humiliated myself in front of people.  Even with adequate medication I have to watch my anxiety and stress levels, because I can work myself to such a state that I will not be adequately helped by the dosage of meds that I take.  However, I have a meaningful life, and feel that I am making a difference in the lives of my family, and the people around me.  A professor of mine in college said:  "What you think is you fatal flaw will one day become your strongest strength."  For me, and maybe for you too, my weaknesses were my depression and anxiety.  I now counsel others. rar1951