He is always here, he is disabled and barely leaves the house. I wish it was as easy as just walking away or making a call, if i was to be caught making a call he would ask me soo many questions, questions i couldnt answer as fast as he would ask them. My daughter is now at the stage where she begs me not to take her home and of course i feel soo guilty for having to!

Mel...

I want you to read my article, "How and When to Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship."

I am going to be very direct with you...is he hurting you and/or your child physically? 

The numbers I have given you are not just for getting away...the people there will help you to get some counseling as well. 

There must be some times when you are not in the home...like when you go shopping for food or other times...I would give one of those hotlines a call and just get some advice.  You don't have to do anything you are not ready to do...but you can talk to someone who can help you through this. 

Think about what this is doing to you...and your daughter.  If it is a situation where things are not going to get better...it may be prudent to make some sort of decision about this soon.  I know this is frightening.  I know this is not easy.  And especially when you have a child.  But I am very concerned about you.

Please let us know what happens and know that we are thinking of you.

I have two children but my son adores my partner, i'm making the move to get away and get them away by just opening up to someone, even if they are strangers but my 9 year old son has stated he would rather be in care than choose who he lives with! he would hate me if i took him away, he has never seen the abuse my daughter has seen though. And yes occasionally it's been physical, christmas was the worst when i was hit with a belt several times.

I am allowed only to leave the house to take my children to school and collect them again and all the time i'm out of the house he is talking to me on the phone, he has complete control of where i am and what i'm doing. He would hate the idea of me even saying hello to anyone.

Maybe i havn't made my position clear because i'm afraid of what i say and to who i say it but i'm losing the will to carry on. I feel i'm playing tug of war mentally.....on one hand my children are my life and pull me and on the other........i wish i was no longer on this earth.

Mel...

It is okay if your son would hate you...I really do not think he will.  But you need to be safe...and you need for your kids to be safe.  I know...easy for us to say.  I know you fear repercussions but this is beyond abuse...he is holding you prisoner.  May we ask...how is he disabled?

It is possible to begin a new life. 

You do not deserve to be hit or beaten.  You do not deserve to live in fear.  It is time for you to get angry.  You will need to feel that anger...in order to get out of this situation and take action. 

Tell someone...tell the school...tell someone there to call for you.  Do you have any family or friends who can help you? 

What would it be like...to call the police if he hits you?  Is this something you could ever do? 

Keep talking to us....

I am so worried about you.

His family is also violent and i try to keep a distance between them and my children, there is no way i could call the police due to it just making the situation worse. I have spoken to the school and they know the situation and although very understanding they offer little else but a shoulder to cry on and i no longer have the energy to cry, after recently visiting my doctor and explaining to her everything, she informed me i have hight blood pressure and will be hospitalised if it continues.this can't happen, what will become of my children.

If i'm honest, over the last week i've felt like i no longer wish to fight this battle, i want to give up as it's a survival of the fittest and he's winning! The only thing i found pulling me back from just taking an overdose was my children, he isnt capable of looking after them and i wouldnt want that life for them.

I have had an offer of a better life, away from here with my children....i just don't see how, i dont want to live looking over my shoulder, worrying that he will find us and take my children and he has threatened to kill me in the past, i dont see an option here at all.

As for my family..........they gave up on me years ago and i do try to communicate with them but i was told i made my choice and i have to live with it, he alienated them, he beat up 2 of my brother in laws and totally ruined my relationship with my mother so she disowned me. I only wish my father was alive......he would have helped in soo many ways

Mel...

I hear you.  And I understand to some extent.  My mother was in such an abusive relationship and she had a nervous breakdown over it but she was able to start over again.  She got away.  It is possible.

Can you tell me what you fear...with calling the police?  Yes it will be hard but then a legal precedent has been set.  There are women who do get away and who do start a new life.  You have to think that there is hope.  I really honestly believe that there is.  You are capable.  You can do this Mel.  And also for your kids. 

Please don't give up.

Your story touches everyone of us...

I want you to get some help. 

Keep writing to us.  Know that we are thinking of you.

It's so complicated, it would only anger him more if i rang the police and he has far too many contacts that work within the force, it would be of no benefit to me or my family to call them.

Ok so i did call them once............they arrested me! i was locked in a cell away from my children for 3 hours while he told them i was drugging him. Of course they had no evidence but he plays on the helpless disabled man when anyone is around. I had never been so scared in my life! me arrested! it makes me feel physically sick when i think of the lies he told to get me locked up...but it was his warning to me and a lesson i learnt very quickly. Everyone believes he's a wonderful person and i look after him well, i do , but what choice do i have?

He knows some very frightening people and i don't want to upset him to the point where i'm threatened or worse by them. I know i have to be strong but i swear i dont have it in me anymore.....i'm ready to curl up and hide from the world....he wins.

Mel, I want to assure you that there are good people just waiting to know of you. They will help, there is shelter and a better life possible. I cannot say a risk isn't there, it surely is but I don't believe it to be a bigger risk than staying where you are.

Times have changed, no longer is the legal system free to dismiss you. Over the years, women's groups chiefly, but good people everywhere, have made sure that the elected officials do their job and enforce the law, especially regarding domestic violence. Legal help from PFA's through divorce, and any other related legal matter receives attention and you will get help.

People do not want you to live like this, in fear. You have been fed a line for years, beaten down and reduced to thinking you aren't worth anything, that no one cares. I am telling you they do.

It requires you to follow through, and not weaken, as you will want to do, you'll be afraid, but you have to stand firm and accept the help offered and follow their guidance. He is a bully and he is weaker than you, he can be exposed.

You need to try.

I'm going to shut up now. I don't have the knowledge or the ability to sway someone. All I'm saying, is what I do know. I have seen it done, more than once, it does work.

Morning Mel

The guilt is not for you to carry thats a load that belongs to him, so dont take on what isnt yours, as Merely Me said ''you dont have to do'' anything that your not ready to do.

This site is a SAFE place I want you to know that and altough we cant be there in person for you you will always have a response from us, this site is a responsable one were not there one day and gone the other, so your not alone anymore...you have us.

You have reached out to us in order to get help altough it might have been scary for you, I applaude your effort...now consider taking the next step nobody hee will rush you in making your decision. Speaking for myself here I want you to know that all I wish for the both of you is that you get to a safe haven.

Being in a abusive ''relationship'' for a long period of time will make you doubt yourself and to often one's selfesteem will diminish as time goes by, so I'll say it again YOU ARE A DESERVING PERSON AND SO IS YOUR LITTLE GIRL be proud for reaching out.

Please keep us posted

-Michel-

Thank you Michel, i appreciate your kind, supportive words i just wish i was a much stronger person and wasn't so afraid of him and his family.

Mel...

we are still with you and thinking about you.  Can you tell us what you are the most afraid of?  Tell us more about the family if you can.

I really strongly feel that you need some help with this.  It is time to think of a plan of how to break free of this abuse...for you...and your children.

Please let us know how you are and what is happening.

Worried here...