I have two children but my son adores my partner, i'm making the move to get away and get them away by just opening up to someone, even if they are strangers but my 9 year old son has stated he would rather be in care than choose who he lives with! he would hate me if i took him away, he has never seen the abuse my daughter has seen though. And yes occasionally it's been physical, christmas was the worst when i was hit with a belt several times.   I am allowed only to leave the house to take my children to school and collect them again and all the time i'm out of the house he is talking to me on the phone, he has complete control of where i am and what i'm doing. He would hate the idea of me even saying hello to anyone. Maybe i havn't made my position clear because i'm afraid of what i say and to who i say it but i'm losing the will to carry on. I feel i'm playing tug of war mentally.....on one hand my children are my life and pull me and on the other........i wish i was no longer on this earth.