Hi there, and thanks for your question.
You do sound very sad and upset, but if it's a crumb of comfort at this stage let me tell you that what you are experiencing is the nature of depression and this is something that will pass. No - you aren't bad, and no, the fates really haven't ganged up on you even though it may feel as if they have. Depression is a disease and as flu manifests itself through shivers, muscle pains and raised temperatures, depression comes out some of the ways you are describing.
How can we help? Tell us why you are feeling this way. Have the feelings and thoughts come on without any cause that you can see? Sometimes it happens this way but sometimes we can pin things down to circumstances, or events, or a build up of stress.
You've reached out to a supportive community and we want to help. Keep talking.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. When we're depressed, it doesn't take much to get us to feel like we're circling the drain, so to speak. Do you live in the U.S.? If you do, you could try contacting your county's social services department to see if there is any help you could qualify for. There are mental health clinics that charge on a sliding scale basis, which might work for you. You are trying to do the best you can, it sounds like to me, but having a tough time of it. As Jerry said, you're not bad and you didn't do anything to deserve what's happened to you, but depression makes you feel like it's all your fault. I have felt the way you're feeling now but it has gotten much better over time. Let us know how we can help further.
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