My wife has been an alcoholic for years. Has told me she quit many times, only for me to catch her. Has lied to me about it for years. Last year, her mother became terminally ill. Early this year both her parents died. I think she has finally beaten the drinking, has done an intense outpatient program and attends meetings regularly. The grieving for her parents and associated depression is BAD though. She has lost a LOT of weight. (about 20% of her weight). She struggles getting up, brushing her teeth, getting dressed, doing anything. She takes prozac but it makes her, well, drunk-like. She becomes literally incoherent and non-functional. I have asked her to only take it at bed-time, but though she agrees to that, she still takes it during the day sometimes. She cannot walk or talk straight soon after taking the pills. She is seeing a therapist, but I do not see her getting better. We have two children who know she has a drinking issue and now see less and less of my wife as she spends more and more of her time in bed. I am fortunate (I guess) to be currently unemployed as I am able to do everything in the house - because my wife right now is just not capable. I want to help, but don't know how. Should prozac (she weighs about 110 pounds, takes 2 of the pills) impact someone the way it does with her? She really appears drunk (I do not believe she is drinking again). And she is almost entirely non-functional a lot of the time. Not all of the time, but a lot. I don't know what to do. Our relationship is deteriorating fast. She lies to me, says mean things to me, we are rarely physically close - and there is not a drop of affection from her to me... I love her dearly but am at my wits end. I will be honest, there is also resentment building up in me - I don't like it, know it shouldn't be there, but I can't help it..... I need to go back to work to support the family but fear what will happen if I am not around - it is bad enough when I am around..... My kids are teenagers, and great kids, but should anything serious happen when my wife is 'having a moment' I fear she is incapable of taking care of the kids. I know I am new to this forum. I am lost, sad, afraid, concerned - I just don't know what to do to help her - but I do know that things are getting worse and I can't just let it happen.... Thoughts? Thanks again.....
Q: My spouse has some issues and I need help.....
Hi there
I feel woefully inadequate on this forum to help you in the way that you need help. I am so sorry that you, your wife, and your family are going through this. I know this must be a really tough time for you all.
I am not a doctor but I would be wondering about your wife's behavior on the Prozac. Is she taking any other medications? Is she taking too much of her Prozac? Is there any way at all that your wife could still be drinking somehow or taking any other type of drug?
The addiction to alcohol is powerful. When I worked in a day treatment center for people with addictions the stories they told were astounding. One woman tied her bottle of booze with the cord to the window blind and hid it by hanging it outside the window. People will go to extraordinary lengths to hide their addictions. If would be good if you could rule out the possibility for her drinking again just to be sure.
You say she is in therapy and is still going to meetings? Would it be possible for you to talk to her therapist and ask about her behaviors and especially any connection to her Prozac? Is there any way you could accompany her to one of her therapy sessions?
What about family or friend supports? Do you have someone to talk to about all of this? This is some heavy duty stuff you are going through and you are going to need some help.
This is so hard as you are dealing with multiple issues all at once...your wife's grieving, her alcohol addiction, parenting your children and making sure that they are okay, looking for a job. You need to try to prioritize which issues to tackle first.
My strong suggestions are to find out if your wife could be drinking or not, call her therapist and speak to him or her, and find some supports for yourself.
Please keep writing and let us know how things evolve. Hang in there. Sometimes survivial is the goal for the day.
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