Wednesday, January 25, 2012 Lwilson10 asks

Q: How to Overcome Uncontrollable Crying once and for all?

My name is Lauren, 25yrs of age and I have a problem. As the years pass by I get worse and worse with uncontrollable crying. If someone addresses me with an opinion about myself, I cry, If I am yelled at I cry, even if I am having a good day and nothing is wrong, the water works come from no where. I have been trying to figure this out, over and over again and still no result. I went without talking to others about my issues for a very long time, for I have seen it as pointless. I say that because when I did try to confided in my mother while growing up, her remedy was go sleep it off and you;ll get over it (which I didn't). If I talked to my supposedly best friend, they'd always switch the subject to themselves and Id respond and say I was talking about what I am going through and they'd say,"You are not allowed to have the problems because we come to you". I tend to take everybody issues on my shoulders, Which did eventually stop. I could never go to anybody because no one ever understood or had an answer besides the same old bull about answer being within, I felt if that were the case then I would not be talking to you about it in the first place. SO I shut down and kept to myself for a while, learning through life that no one is truly there for you, this world is an All for one and one for one type of thing. I am sure that isn't everybody but I don't know everybody, billions of people out there. I know ppl say talk about your problems, because it;s better to let it out than hold it in, but letting it out only makes it worse in my eyes because there is no result. I don't feel better talking about whatever, sometimes There are no words to why I feel down, or crying, I am just as clueless as the person asking. I try to go over things over and over again, about my life growing up, etc. now I thought I overcame a lot of obstacle, I thought I had won and over come but as soon as I get excited about not crying, its starts all over again. I can't afford a shrink and am not working. I just happen to run across this site and decided to go ahead and give this option a try. I really do not understand, It's embarrassing to cry because I cannot control it. So much to a point where I don't even want to go anywhere for fear of embarrassing my husband in public. I try to talk to him, but I don't want an ear that just listen, I want results. (most women want a man to just listen so they can vent and for them not to try and fix it all of the time.) But I am not like most women, I feel there is no point of bringing something up if all your going to do is sit silent, nodding your head but no real answer because you don't fully understand or not at all. You know. I try to give him and chance and after evaluating, its a waste of time because I feel worse not better. Can anyone assist me with this? How can I stop the tears for good? I try breathing (does not help), I try affirmations (doesn't help) I know its all within the mind and thus far no success. Its taking over my life and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I want to be able to handle if my husband is giving suggestion on certain things without getting upset, I want to be free of this

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Answers (3)

Merely Me

1/25/12 5:02pm

Hi there

The first thought that comes to mind when I read your post is that maybe you are what is known as a highly sensitive person. Things may upset you more than for the average person. The good thing about being highly sensitive is that I am sure you are very empathic and compassionate. The challenge of having this type of personality is not to allow your emotions to overwhelm you to the point of not being able to function.

Is it possible for you to see a regular doctor...your primary care physician to get a good physical. Sometimes emotional lability can indicate an underlying neruological condition. Do you have any other symptoms? I would begin there to rule out any medical causes. You never know.

The next thing I suggest is to begin a behavioral log of triggers. What triggers the crying behavior? What happens after? How long do you cry? How frequent is the crying? Every day? Once a week?

Have you experienced any sort of physical or psychological trauma? Have you experienced a loss of any kind? Are you dealing with grief?

Maybe by taking data you can see some patterns emerge in your behavior.

How do your hormones affect things? Is the crying worse at certain times during your cycle?

There is a book recommended for people who are trying to regulate their emotions and is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Please know that I have not read this book. I cannot vouch for its usefulness.

Of course therapy is one option to help with your issue. Or even possibly medication.

Think on these suggestions and perhaps our members can also share their ideas. A lot of people are cryers. Some of us are simply highly emotive. Don't be too down on yourself as you are not alone.

Thank you for your question.

Lwilson10

1/25/12 9:27pm

Thank you for taking time out to respond to my post, I have expereinced a great deal of trauma/grief growing up. From muliple rapes from various people, being alone all of the time, having to grow up rapidly and so on. Depending on the thought sI could cry for hours using and entire roll of toilet paper in one setting. Crazy thing is that I don't get emotional when I watch movies or if a person comes to cry on my shoulder. Its only when things effect me, I suppose, yet at times I cry for no given cause. No, no other symptoms that I know of. Nothing much happens afterward, I try my hardest to calm down, I believe hormones are normal. Somebody can say they are disappointed in an action I have made and the water works begin, um, even if my husband is giving constructive criticsm the tear flow. When I am angry it gets worse. That is all I can think of at the present time.

Merely Me

1/27/12 8:53pm

Hi Lauren

You have been raped multiple times? I am so sorry. Your crying does not seem out of the norm for someone who has experienced repeated trauma. Is it possible that you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? This is when something in your environment may trigger an old memory and the feelings associated with that memory or trauma. The triggers could be anything...someone's tone of voice...a smell...something you see which reminds you...and this process can be something you are not even consciously aware of.

I really do think that therapy may help you. You have a lot of emotions right under the surface ready to come out. It is interesting that you say anger triggers it. I am sure if you have experienced such sexual traumas that you have a lot of anger and sorrow.

Please think about seeing a mental health professional to help you work through this. You don't need to deal with this on your own.

Let us know how you are doing. Thank you for reaching out here.

Lwilson10

1/29/12 12:36am

Yes, Raped, molested, pretty mch hurt, mentally, physically and emotionally. I've overcome a lot of obstacles, but apparently there is still something that is causing this issue. I really felt I gew form a lot and have forgiven for my own sake. But depending on the situation those water works begin. I will be in touch, thank you for your help

Judy

1/25/12 8:57pm

Hi, Lauren. In addition to Merely Me's suggestions, I want to add that if you live in the US, your county probably has a mental health clinic that charges according to your ability to pay, if you want to find a therapist. Your friends and your husband cannot be objective but a mental health professional can support you in getting to the bottom of your waterworks if it turns out to be emotionally based. Perhaps something happened to you as a child - which you might not even remember - that has caused unresolved grief which gets triggered by certain things. I'm sure it's difficult to feel like you have no control over your emotions, which can happen when we get overwhelmed or can't understand what's going on. This is a good place to come to for support, you can talk about anything that is on your mind and chances are very good that someone here has experienced the same thing, or something similar.

Hang in there and hope you feel welcome to write again.

ColumbusMom47201

1/28/12 1:46pm

Lauren,

My heart broke when I read your question and then to read more about your past. I am so sorry about what you have been through. Have you thought about seeing if there is a free service in your community, like a volunteer's in medicine? They may be able to help you find a therapist or some other suggestion as to where you could find help for free/low cost. I also wonder from the physical side of things if you could have a thyroid issue. I am not a physician, but I believe it can cause anxiety which could be a factor in your crying. I hope you can get some help somewhere. Feel free to ask anything or talk, I will try and help!

Lwilson10

1/29/12 12:27am

Thank you for your concern and response, I guess I will look into it when I get the chance. We are experiencing some crazy things in our life right now, Had to make an emergency move from IL, to Oklahoma to save my Husbands children and get them out of the clutches of the State. They were taken away from their mother due to her negligence and allowing her boyfriend (registered sex offender) to rape and molest her 9 yr old daughter (8 at the time). So we dropped everything to get here and are starting over, again, for as long as this process takes. Once we get the chance, I will try and seel counseling, I know that God got me it just crazy how all of hese old things come up within my mind that I forgotten about. I also find it nuts on how emotionally I become during certain times. I thought I was over crying but it returns. So you all may be onto something, I thought I'd never be the one having to seek professional help. Thyroid??? Yes it did happen a lot, like I was a symbol of sex or something, It first happened by my cousin (female) then my brother's cousin (male) just went down hill form there. I am greatful because it made me a better person today and the things I have been through can help many others during there horrible time and teach them how to avoid many things as well. I will stay intouch and thank you again.

Q: How to Overcome Uncontrollable Crying once and for all?

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