Thank you all for your answers. I really appreciate your time and concern. Sorry I didn't respond until now. My son had some dental surgery yesterday - and I wanted to be able to respond fully. I have had some "ok" days during the last couple of weeks - which I didn't have for a very long time. I kept this thing pretty hidden but finally confided in two friends who have been supportive. If you are wondering how you hide a plastic surgery disaster - it was a body thing. And I have let it change who I am. I used to be very active person, and really enjoyed that part of my life but I can't seem to do it now. (I know it is supposed to help). I have been making it out of the house more lately, but I do have very depressed moments, there are times that I wake up and 'think' it would be much easier to just go in the garage, etc... Those thoughts have only happened a few times, and I really think they are just thoughts - I don't consider myself capable of ever doing something like that but they scare me because I have never had thoughts like that. I think they stem from the length of this depression - after two years of this I can't conceive of living feeling like this for the rest of my life. Situationally, the depression also became much worse after the plastic surgeon tried to fix the first mistake. He made things much much worse the second time. Most of it is unfixable, but to fix the obvious problems would require horrendous scars... I have gotten other opinions - am scared to do anything more, but will probably have to live with major scarring. A recent Plastic surgeon said she doesn't do the surgery to fix because the scarring is so horrendous. (her words). More info than you want but I am telling you it because this problem has taken over me. In my life I have been through a lot of painful things- like all of us - but I am not getting over this one. I think because I know it won't go away or get better over time. I took myself off the zoloft without my doctor's consent because I stopped crying and thought I could handle it. I wasn't on if for more than 4-6 weeks. And yes, I didn't want to be on it for the long term. I went off it after my son's accident last May which we have had to focus on this summer. I get mad at myself because I KNOW there are much bigger problems out there people have to deal with. I just feel like a completely different person now. I got some counseling earlier in the year, it didn't help. Now I am seeing someone else, but am not really getting anywhere yet. So I am not sure what medication will accomplish besides masking how I really feel? I will keep trying the counseling route for awhile - but to me, my life as I knew it seems gone... I know I have to accept reality, and try to have a life again - this all seems so unbelievable (and I Hate feeling so self pitying). I just don't know what to do. I would prefer to be able to handle this on my own. Maybe I could try to see if there are support groups around here - I guess I would look for depression support groups? I am afraid of medications suppressing the problem, and if I go off them in a year or two, the real problem surfaces again. I don't think I could handle that. So I wonder if I should just slug this out and hope and pray that it gets better. I haven't started the Prestiq. I am actually thinking maybe I should just go back on the zoloft from my GP - or just try to go it alone. The deep depression days seem to be less than they were 6 months ago. This psychiatrist thought that the Prestiq has a more "get up and go" factor. Since I work at home it is easy to isolate. But again, I didn't get a really good vibe from the psychiatrist - he just seemed to be pretty cavalier with his 'take this' attitude. So - thank you for all of your comments. It is good to get some things out -- I guess I am in the "afraid to, afraid not to" category. I probably should try something, because I am responsible for my son and feel awful that my stupid desire to try to fix a minor problem has left me dealing with this during the time he needs me most! I appreciate your help -- I hope I can pass it forward at some point... (Since I am not sure how to respond to all of you I am answering this way... if someone has a better way, please let me know - ).

Thanks for writing back.  One thing I want to mention is that I don't think you need to be afraid of medication, like an anti-depressant, suppressing your feelings.  I haven't found that to be the case with anything I've taken.  What they do is take away some of the oppressiveness of the depression so that you can deal with the situation that is causing it.  If you're too overwhelmed with depression, it's hard to think straight or rationally and it's easy to feel like giving up because you don't have the energy to keep going.  If you don't like the psychiatrist, you can find another one - find somebody who acts like they care, there are a few out there.  Some studies have shown that untreated depression is more likely to come back and sometimes more severely than if you treat it in the beginning.  Not to scare you, but that's a possibility.  And you have to find the right drug for you, nothing fits everybody.  Please keep letting us know how you're doing!

 

Judy

Hi Judy,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I thought for a few days last week I felt a little better, but this weekend I was about as depressed as I have been.  I have thoughts that I don't think I would ever act on, but it scares me that they even cross my mind.  Never happened before.  I think it is just the length of this and the fact that I have to deal with the cause of the depression every day all day.  I cant imagine more years of this.

 

Anyway, yesterday I took a zoloft (the drug my GP put me on months ago) - I am seeing a counselor Wed. to discuss this.  I have some of the Prestiq trials - just don't want to go back to the same psychiatrist.

 

I know I should get out and forget about this problem.  It's almost like I feel like someone else, and I have lost who I am.  Thank you again for your support.

 

Berei, it IS a big deal what happened to you - you get reminded of it every day.  I think therapy will eventually help you make peace with it, thought right now that probably seems hard to believe.  Just getting out won't make you forget about it, I think you need to work with the anger over it and deal with the grief because really, you are mourning the loss of a part of yourself.  I hope you can find a new psychiatrist soon and make sure you are on the best medication for you; just keep in mind that it takes a while for any of them to start working and if there are any problems, you should be able to talk to your doctor at any time about it.  Good luck with all of this and I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.

Thank you - I do have a question about psychiatrists.  My GP has known me for over 20 years... I know he is not a specialist of anti-depressants; but I do feel he knows me better than a psychiatrist could in a 30 minute question session.  So my question is which doctor do you think would be better?  Also, my counselor is a clinical psychologist.  From what the other psychiatrist said, he is their to prescribe meds, and I am to go to the counselor for therapy.  Is this what you have seen to be the best mix? 

Thanks for your insight - and THANK you for your concern.

 

Hi, Berei - I just saw your note here; I'm not always getting notified when someone asks me a question.  Anyway, I want to say that even though your GP has known you for a long time, he isn't a specialist when it comes to depression or mood medications and I think you would do better with a psychiatrist.  A good psychiatrist would spend more than 30 minutes with you initially and do a good intake interview where you could tell him/her about everything that's going on before making a diagnosis.  Most psychiatrists don't do therapy, so I do think having both would be good.  That's been my experience, anyway.  Also, if one of them doesn't bring it up, it's a good idea to give permission for the psychiatrist and psychologist to be able to discuss your situation and they would probably want to touch base once in a while, just to make sure they are each on the same page.

 

Ask people you know, like your counselor, for names of good psychiatrists and if you get one that you don't feel comfortable with, don't be afraid to change.  You have to trust your doctor and be truthful, which requires a connection of some kind.

 

I hope you have good luck finding the right doctor.  It might take a while to get an appointment with one, but it's worth the wait.  Let me know how things go, okay?

Thanks so much for all of the advice.  Knowing people care makes a big difference.  Thank you for your time, I will let you know how things are going ---