Tuesday, November 04, 2008 Snookaroo87 asks

Q: I have confided in my friends about my depression, but now they hold it against me. Any advice?

Like I said, I told my friends about my depression, because I wanted to let them in on something that is very personal to me. I trusted them and thought that if I told them about it, then they would finally understand why I had been acting a certain way for that year of college. See, I didn't know I was depressed until the summer after that year. And one of my biggest symptoms was irritability.When I came back this year, I thought that they would understand and help me through.

Instead they hold it against me and alienate me. They don't speak to me much. They go places without inviting me. And we live together! So it's very awkward. And it's like they don't notice me. One of these girls was my best friend, and I have known her since I was in 8th grade. The other two are girls I just met last year.

So, do I just drop them? And if I decide to do that, then do I need to tell them how hurtful they have been?

Someone PLEASE help! I need advice so badly right now...

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Answers (4)

Merely Me, Health Guide

11/ 5/08 3:51pm

Oh no!

So what was their immediate reaction when you told them? As in...what did they say? Was the alienation in direct response to telling them that you have depression or did it happen over a period of time? You are linking the two things but maybe there is another reason?

I think for your peace of mind some clarity would be good for you. If it were me, I would ask what was up. If they are truly your friends then they will be understanding. If not then...as painful as it may be...maybe they were not as good friends as you thought them to be. And that would not be your fault. Some people are just insensitive. But it could be the case that they just don't know what to do or say or how to handle what you told them. Give them the benefit of the doubt and get some clarification about what they are feeling.

I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be for you. I think you will feel better once you get some straight answers on this.

Let us know how things go okay?

maria

11/ 8/08 7:39pm

well they are not friends in my book go and get some help and think of yourself forget others thats my answer think of no 1

claire

11/11/08 7:55pm

hi there i just want to say thats theses girls shouldnt even be classed has friends that is disgusting what they have done to. i find it hard to share my feelings with my friends but they are very understanding because they know about my depression. when i first told them they seem shocked and said to me that they had no idea. they started to talk to me about what it was like for me and when we finished we just carried on with what we were doing.

I would suggust that you get theses girls together and explain to them that even though you have condition that your still the same person you always have been and that you feel hurt because of the way they have acted towards you. then if after that they still wouldnt accept you then personally you dont need them.

hope you have a good day and that you sort thoses girls out

Svetlana

11/16/08 7:18am

I guess I would do both. I am in the same situation, and I only became aware it was depression when I could no longer get up in the morning and go to work. Previously I was irritable, and did all sorts of things that people might find strange, but as I am normally pretty eccentric, none of my friends or family thought it funny. Now I have also told all my friends, even colleagues, and everyone has only shown sympathy. Maybe it's got to do with age, I am 35, and most of the people around me are about the same age or older, and generally they have a lot of problems themselves and have had their share of failures (I'm not saying depression is a failure, but it certainly isn't something that's gonna help you with your life either on a daily basis or in the long run). No one has discarded me. They've been calling me over for meals, out, visiting regularly. Forgive me for saying this, but the people you're living with are probably not your friends. Depression is not easy to get rid of, but you will be needing plenty of support. I'm not an expert, but this is what experts say. Plus, it's recurrent. So, you'd better find for yourself new people, who will have understanding for this aspect, even at college age, when most people feel they are on top of the world.

Q: I have confided in my friends about my depression, but now they hold it against me. Any advice?

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