Dear Jenni    I never knew about your awful past, I will email u anon. I think most of us here have all had dreadful pasts as kids havent we? As ive said before on this site, were Soldiers/Veterans/Survivors only we dont have any Medals - just the Depression ! Ive been on all 4 Meds you mentioned. The maoi s I was on, I was 18 yrs and given a printed list to carry with me at all times of things not to eat. The 2nd Trycs I was on Prothiaden for a number of years but like you, Im extremely sensitive to Antidepressants - Even Prothiaden drove me thru the roof. My Depression causes Anxiety so thats an even bigger prob with the Antidepressants? Confusing? yes. So I have to take Sedation in order to be able to take the Antidepressants.   I tried to go alternative some years ago, took St. Johns Worth but nobody told me it would have terribel contraindications with Valium which i take for mild Epilepsy and Anxiety. Its also good for my R.Arth. pain. god amnt I the pain going on !!!! anyway, i literally went bananas on so many SSRIs that Seroxat [irish and European name for Paxil] was the only one I could take. Then read about the awful withdrawals of going off it and decided to be my own Doctor !! Titrated off in very slow way and did very well. Big upheavel some months later, A different shrink put me on the Efexor XL and slowly built up the dose. Then I got high Bp etc so Im coming down slowly and its hell. Im so glad Jenni that you have an antidepressant and sedation that works for you and that agrees with you.  Youve been through alot.  Im not kicking anti depressants Jenni theyre life savers. Many people wouldnt be able to live their daily life  only for them. i just hope to go on another one thats not so addictive and with less side effects. I love the way you say Love from the United States of America, it sounds like Barak OBama !! made me laugh. You take care of you United States of America Lady !!!PS No cant say Ive heard of Biofreeze but we do have cooling rubs and theyre great for pain and tension.