Reply to an Answer

If anyone can answer these questions about a Spouse being depressed and what we go through as they are depressed, please help.  I have been looking and looking for the answers, as I don't know how much more I can take.  I thought I must be the only one going through verbal abuse, and I also give it back, when I don't mean too.  He'll yell at me about money saying how we lost some at the casino and how bad that is, than two hours later say, "Want to each take $100 and go to the casino", as an example.  I finally told him, I cannot go to the casino and than come home and be yelled at for losing money, as it makes me cry.  There are so many things I don't understand.  He blames me for everything, our marriage going bad, sex, just everything, and I don't know how much more I can take.  He even has talked to our grown children and makes it look like I am the bad guy.  He tells me I have depression, and I have been to five doctors because of what he says, and everyone says "I am not depressed".  My husband is going to a doctor and is on Effexor XR.  He is to the point of taking 1/2 of the dose as he has been going to this doctor for two years.  The doctor has told me he cannot do a lot for him as he (my husband) insists on drinking along with the med.  My daugter, a teacher, said that she would rather see her dad like he is now, drinking and all, than he was before when he was just taking the med.  They don't know what I go through, except I told them they will eventually know what is going on.  Like his drinking and verbal abuse.  I even went to AA to try to understand, and the mental health doctor told me I might find someone else there with the same problem.  My husband and I went to the mental health doctor, first me alone, than the two of us, the first thing my husband said to the doctor, "she needs to be put on some med for her depression".  The doctor said, "I don't think so, not at this time".  We quit going as my husband didn't feel we were getting anything from this doctor.  Marriage help. I guess I'm begging for help on how to understand this situtation and be a better wife and be able to help my husband.  If anyone out there has any advise, I will gladly accept it.  Thank you.