reaching out for help is the first step. i am so glad you wrote your question onto this site.  you need real tangible people to help you through this. i think you are in a depression that can be helped. relatives may be helpful to share this with, if you can. other avenues can be explored like group therapy at your local mental health clinic. there, you can relate to others and realize you are not alone in your feelings and learn how to feel better. once that starts to blossom, you will feel stronger and more confident, and can focus on what you need to do daily to make your life fulfilled. I volunteer at the local hospice office or just listen to music i like. there are free things to attend in your community by walking into your public library and asking or reading the local newspaper you will find there.   seek others to not feel so down....other mother's groups may be helpful. we are sociable creatures by habit, so socialize, even if it is one on one with a therapist for a short time....just to see life a little differently.

It will get better, I promise.  I have been there and now feel so much better. There is help and hope.