My spouse makes very cruel and hurtful remarks. When he finally realizes how hurt I am, he says he is "joking" - he didn't mean to hurt me. This is a very long marriage and it's not the first time he has made hurtful comments, but the first time I have gotten a bad report from my doctor and he made painful comments.
He has a philosophy of "out for revenge and getting in the last word." I don't know if something happened in his childhood that made him so revengeful. To be this way toward your family that loves you is really sad to me. Last night at our grandson's ballgame, he yelled a totally uncalled for comment to our 7 year old grandson while he was on the field. Our grandson was in tears and said papa's comment "made me sad." My husband's reply, "I did not make him cry, his eyes were just watery (he thinks there is a difference?) "I just want him to do better." This incident has made him unwelcome at any more games because my son and DIL are upset, so if he can't go, I would feel bad going without him.
To make matters worse, he couldn't sleep last night and at 4 a.m. he sent an email to our son/DIL that said "y'all told a lie as our grandson was not crying." My son called and said "dad has lost his mind. I think he has gone crazy. He's not taking his medication. We're not going on vacation with you next month. Cancel the hotel."
Tonight he said "that "________" (cursing) won't get any money of mine if you die before me." He was talking about our son. I know he was mad and tomorrow he won't mean a word of it. However, words hurt and you can't take them back. It's not easily forgotten nor forgiven. This evidently is part of his "revenge theory."
Is this behavior related to depression or something else? He has a problem with anger but this has gotten better as he has gotten older (believe it or not.) He does have mental illness in his family and his family is weird. They never call each other. I know he has had some type of problem since he was little. When in the 8th grade, he told his dad he was not wearing a suit to graduation. He did wear a suit. He once got mad and broke all the glasses in his mother's kitchen. He denies this, but his mother told me about it.
He is on medication (Celexa) for depression, two a day. He sees a psychiatrist every six months. The only other medication he takes is Diovan for high blood pressure. My son thinks he is not taking his medication every day. Some times he will go off it for a month or longer just because "I'm sick of taking pills." I normally can tell when he's not taking them, but he swears he is taking them now, faithfully every day. I just don't know if he is or not.
Thank you for any insight you can offer. How do I get him to understand his cruel and mean remarks are not "joking"? We are in a very long marriage and I would love for it to last, but I can't have him hurting the rest of the family. I am tired of being so stressed out and I'm at my wit's end. Please help.