Kathie, I have let him get away with all the name calling, years of verbal abuse and dumm me, stayed and took it...with two sons to hear all of this. I'm surprised they grew up as decent as they are. For some reason, he has a very slow opinion of women. My heart goes out to you.

Justme, my husband can't get past the point that "they lied to me" which my son and DIL did not lie to him. He acts just like a child. He doesn't go back to his psychiatrist until March. He frequently lies to his dr. and tells him everything is fine when he is not fine.

I was looking forward to the family getting together next month for a wonderful vacation at Thanksgiving, now my son says he is not going and the grandkids aren't going. We have already paid for their hotel for a week. I have not tried to cancel it yet, hoping my son will change his mind. If not, I am going to be totally embarassed to tell my youngest son and DIL why his brother, wife and our grandkids aren't coming. My husband told him this morning that if they all do decide to go, that he is going to "disapear"...he will be out doing his own thing. In other words, ignoring his grandkids and the family. I told him if he did that after I got our son to agree to go, that I would go file for a divorce the following week. He has not going to do this to the rest of the family. He said "good, he will just move to South Dakota where no one can find him." He then proceeded to tell me that I could not make it on my own without his monthly income. He then told me that I was not going any of his retirement income (January we are supposed to sign a form that gives me a certain percentage of his pension if he dies before me.) He then laughed and said he couldn't live without me, and "let's go get something to eat." I don't understand this kind of behavior.  I am not even sure this is at all related to his depression, or if it's just his personality. He is like a Jekyl and Hyde. He has one side I love which has made me stay with him for 41 years, and the other side of him I despise. I will end a 41 year marriage before I let him hurt the rest of my family, esp. the grandchildren. It would be very difficult, but I can make it on my own and I wouldn't be under all this stress. Why can't he just admit that he is wrong?

I am sorry you are going through this.  When he goes for his next appointment can you talk to his doctor privately? 

I do the same thing to my family, and although I haven't been diagnosed I am going to see the doctor soon for depression.  It is very important to me that my significant other talks to the doctor.  He notices more about me then I do about myself.  I can be just flat out mean.  In a way its a good thing most of it is directed towards my fiance, since then I am not hurting our children.  He has to step in and be a buffer between me and our children more often then I want to admit to.

I can tell you I really do not mean to say such harsh things.  It almost seems like I can't help it.  Later on when I realize that what I said was uncalled for its so hard to say I am sorry.  I don't want to admit that I could say such hurtful things.  I don't know if your husband feels the same way as I do, but thats why for me my apology tends to be making light of my remarks. 

I hope your situation improves.  In a way I do think its best for your son and DIL to keep the kids away from him.  I hope you make a point of spending time with your grandchildren with out him.  Reading your post about brought me to tears because I could hear myself being described in what you were writing.  Best wishes to you.