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Sunday, April 26, 2009 fifi, Community Member, asks

Q: feeling trapped and frightened

I 'm feeling trapped at the moment. When I go out I feel like I dont want to go back home again. My marriage has changed so much and I think my husband expects me to have the same figure I had when we met. This is putting so much pressure on me that I just feel unattractive to  him. I know i'm not obese and that my bmi is 26. I just feel that if it wasn't my weight it would be something else.

He says I also spend too much money. I dont go out with friends or have any hobbies away from the home that I do. occasionally I will buy clothes that I buy in sales or in charity shop. He likes me to look nice and I like fashion. H e gets really angry about money when I ask him about a holiday. We have savings, but he says that is for when he retires. I feel that we could spend some now and some later. but he gets really angry and I'm frightened to upset him. I just dont know what to do.

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Answers (1)
Merely Me, Health Guide
4/26/09 2:09pm

Hi Fifi

 

I am sorry that you are feeling this way.  Feeling trapped like this can lead to also feeling depressed.

 

So you are telling us that your husband tries to control your weight, how you dress, and how much money you spend?  How does he communicate these expectations?  What happens when he gets angry? 

 

What would it be like to discuss your feelings with him?

 

If you could do anything you wished right now what would that be? 

 

I am concerned that you are saying that you feel frightened.  Nobody deserves to feel frightened in their own home. Do you have any supports that you can rely upon?  Any friends or family to talk to about this?

 

I am not a therapist nor do I know your entire situation so I am hesitant to give any specific advice.  But from what you are saying I am concerned for you.  I would recommend that you share these worries with a close friend or relative who you trust or else a therapist. 

 

Please keep writing here if it helps.  My thoughts are with you.

 

 

 

 

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By fifi, Community Member— Last Modified: 12/25/10, First Published: 04/26/09