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Sunday, August 08, 2010 gillygrg asks

Q: Really need help! Feel that I might be depressed...?

I am a 13 year old girl who lives with her father, mother, and brother. My parents don't get along and fight a lot and almost got divorced when I was 6 years old. My mom says I was always mature for my age (In 2nd grade I attempted to read Treasure Island by myself). I have always taken school seriously and most of the courses I take are a year or two above my peers. I am slightly overweight and have been all my life. I am extremely insecure and take it personally every time someone makes a comment. I feel like I need for people to like me, example: I was at camp and a counselor yelled at me for doing something I never even did. My friends supported my saying I really didn't do it that I was with them the whole time but she persisted. That night I cried because of it and I still think about it every day and feel guilty even though I didn't do anything. I have a lot of friends at school and they tell me I am too nice and gorgeous and I hate when they say it I hate when they make those types of comments and yell at them for doing so (in a way to not hurt their feelings). I am an overachiever and feel as if my maturity makes me feel alone. In school I find myself thinking that my peers are immature for worrying about boys and clothes so much rather than striving to reach goals. When I get home from school I lock myself in my room for most of the remaining day. I like to be alone for I feel I am the only one who can understand my situation. Often at night when I know I am alone I cry myself to sleep. I don't know why I do this and sometimes I dont even know why I am crying. I find it also unusual that I tend to want to sleep a lot (11-14 hours) some nights, and other nights I can't sleep more than 6-7 hours. In addition I have recently lost my appetite a lot for no reason and I sometimes think of death. I would never even think of suicide but I sometimes wonder which people would cry if I died. It is so scary to me because I feel something is wrong with me; my nightmares are demented, I wake up constantly in the night, I have irregular sleeping patterns, I take all comments personally, I think about death, I cry a lot, I want to be alone a lot, and I feel alone a lot because of my maturity. But, on the other hand in school I feel I put on a happy face just for the public and am happy a lot of the time but then when I am alone thinking or just in the comfort of my own home my personality changed and I think of how horrible my day went. Sorry for the long description but I want a personal, mature answer that will help me. Thank you for your time and efforts.

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Answers (4)
8/ 8/10 11:02pm

I was about your age when I started getting depressed - back then, I don't even know if there WERE therapists!  Anyway, I agree that you should, at the very least, talk to your school counselor if you can't talk to either of your parents.  The sooner you start dealing with depression, the less likely it is to reoccur.  That doesn't guarantee it won't, but you won't have to be 30 or 40 years old and dig through a lot of old stuff in order to figure out what happened to you.  You may be more mature than your peers in some ways, but you are still a young girl and it's okay to need help.

 

Let us know if there's anything else we can do to help.  Keep writing here if it helps.

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8/ 8/10 3:21pm

With all of that stuff going on in your life of couse you would feel down. This is what I suggest, go to the parent that you feel most comfortable with and tell them what is going on. Tell them that you need to talk to an unbiased person like a therapist. Show them your post if that makes it easier for you. If that does not work out go to the school therapist, they might be able to point you in the righ direction. Please don't hold it all inside of you. You are a valuable person and you DESERVE the right to make your feelings known. You are not alone.

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8/13/10 12:51am

There's so much to sort out here that I do think a talk with a counselor would be helpful. It's natural to feel confused or frightened when things get the stormy inside you - but it doesn't have to mean that there's something wrong with you. You've had to live with a lot of tension between your parents, and that always has an effect - sometimes very long term. It's really great that you have the insight about all this that you do and can express your feelings so well - though, yes, they're confusing, painful and scary.

 

The worst problems happen, I think, when feelings are suppressed and people try to pretend they're no big deal. I had that same maturity you describe at the same age - part of it is simply a reflection of how bright you are. But in my case - and I know many others who have gone through this too - acting like an adult was also a reaction to a chaotic household. I came to feel it was somehow up to me to keep everyone together. Maybe that's not at all true for you, but part of sorting everything out with a counselor means getting some perspective, some distance so you don't feel overwhelmed and scared by the turmoil you describe.

 

I hope your parents can be understanding of the importance of getting that form of help and that you'll be OK with it too. It doesn't mean you'd have to see a counselor for months and months - but a session of two might help.

 

My best to you -

 

John

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2/25/11 1:19am

What you have described seems oddly familiar to me. I was there, too only I ignored it and kept my fake smile. It made me snap sometimes and do bad things I should have never done. Please, don't ignore this. If you can't talk to a parent (I couldn't) then talk to the counselor. I was always very bright but I didn't do my work cause it felt like way too much. I was sort of trapped between the life of achievement and the life of childhood. So I chose childhood but took it way too far... I was about 14 when all my arrogance came crashing down on me. I felt like I needed to catch up and still feel that way to this day and now I'm 20 and still dwelling on it.

 

Sorry for the long version of "I'm concerned, seek a counselor" but if you want an unbiased opinion, that is where you may find it. Parents might just say "nonsense" or "oh it's okay, you're just upset" If you talk to a parent and they don't think it's any big deal. Just remember that you know who you are and as an individual you have the right to express concern over it. Sometimes I felt too weak to talk to authority, but after getting in so much trouble at school it was kinda forced on me and I realized it wasn't so bad.

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By gillygrg— Last Modified: 02/25/11, First Published: 08/08/10