hi, starshine here still fearful of tommrows appointment, i dont want to slip back into agorophobia, but i feel as if i am  please for me or if you meditate please send me lots of light having some trouble with body pain , numbness in left leg i have broken out in hives, i am treating that with aloe vera gel from my aloe plant

i want to cry but the tears wont come, perhaps in therapy they will in this moment i feel so lonely, i have hardly been able to speak much, i am still trying to be strong becasue i cant let this woman take any of my power but something has been taken

the closer it gets to tommrow i mean today the pain gets worse, i am going to lay down and try to sleep if i cant sleep i will drink some chamomile/mint tea, and listen to some soft flute music. i am just so tired, something was taken i dont know what it was, i feel transparent, alomost like i dont exist, i feel also very floaty. i feel so empty, afraid, and my brother e-mailed me a bunch of blame talk, still threating that i wont get my inheritance, so i changed my email. 

thank you for writing to me i needed to talk to someone before i lay down. i needed to feel like some one cared, i have been told this week i shoud be over it, it wasnt a big deal, it would have been for the person saying that. i feel alot of shame as if i shouldnt feel or express myself. much peace to you, starshine