Hi, Marlene.  Yes, I think you are right, it's possible to have chronic depression with some days being worse than others.  Have you been diagnosed with depression?  If not, that might be a good thing to do, start with either a psychiatrist or psychologist and see what they have to say.  Hope this helps.

Marlene227

9/12/09 6:59am

Judy, I needed to stay up a bit longer to respond to your post. Yes, I have been diagnosed and have been to both.

I may have mentioned this at one time way back when so I think it will be okay to repeat. I tell other's that I grew up in the depression. When I woke, when I came home, when I walked into a room, when she walked into the room I was in, I never knew how to acknowledge my mother. I really believed that she enjoyed treating her family in the manner that she did. 

I always felt sad but it would sometimes be interrupted depending on the time and the day. I have been diagnosed with depression, then chronic depression, and now bipolar. I have also seen both psychiatrist and psychologist. I am sure I need to be in some kind of therapy currently even though I am not. I have sat on couches and chairs across from them many years. Never did get comfortable or can I say cared for any of them except for the first behaviorist I saw. 

I am currently on cymbalta and wellbutrin. Could be more except I was on Topamax for 8 years which was really distructive with the cognitive area of my life. Have been on many other's during the years.  

One very sad thing is I transfered it on to my two daughter's.  At the time I was not aware that depression was genetic. I see my girls, they are adults now, struggle with it and many times they have made sure I have not forgotten.  

It seems that I have more difficulty with this terrible take over as I get older. I don't like feeling this was but so far I haven't adjusted to any other way of life.

 

So, this is my story, this is my song, and I don't think you want to listen to it all day long.   I do stop into this site often and once in awhile leave a reply. I see my gp at the end of the month. When he hears that I stopped seeing the psyc and with no improvement he will just say (repeat)I better do something because winter is on its way.  

 

Again thank you for your response. Makes me feel good that you care.

 

Marlene

It sounds to me like you actually HAVE come to grips with your depression.  You know it's there.  In my experience so far with my depression, I've found that there are many people that I have considered friends that look at me and say "what is your problem?!"  They know the situation that pushed me over the edge, but they also know that I've been seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants, and they seem to expect miracles.  I think that many people who are not depressed don't understand the process, the healing, or even the plain old dealing with it that some of us have to go through.

I had to learn that it is OK for me to feel sad sometimes, and that it is not up to me to live up to other people's expectations of how happy I should be.  The important thing is that I realize that I'm having a good day, or maybe that I'm having a really bad day.  If I can note that hey, today was better than yesterday, I'm making progress even if my so called friends don't think so.  And I know that on days that I feel better than usual, that I still don't act like "my old self" but that at least I'm trying.

Learning how to deal with my depression has taught me that sometimes, you need to be a little selfish.  I sometimes wish I could please everyone, but that really isn't possible, so I have to focus on me, on putting MYSELF back together, not on what everyone else thinks.

I do not think that you can read too much or learn too much about depression or any illness that you are dealing with. Just make sure you are reading true and correct medical information. Only use certified, recognized websites and books. Just because  you receive an answer on a site like this from others with depression does not mean that the info is medically correct. Other people can only tell you what they are experiencing or how they handled a similar situation. Hope this helpful.