I,too, suffer with a lot of suicidal thoughts, and have been hospitalized many times because of them. I think the control issue is really a big one in deciding about going inpatient. I have come to a point with my treators that I can pretty much tell them when I still feel in control of not acting on the feelings. The feelings and thoughts themselves, though unpleasant and painful, may take a long time to go away as in my case, but refraining from acting on them is the key part. At one time, I didn't know how to judge if I could control them. I ended up hospitalized many times. This was not all that bad. I learned a lot in the program I was put into. I also met many caring people. I guess the most important part for me was always trying to be as honest with myself and my treators about the controll issue. They have come to trust me now and, yes, I still talk about suicide sometimes, but they know I will be honest with them about my control. I hope this helps a little.