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Saturday, September 25, 2010 j, Community Member, asks

Q: My wife has shut down

Me and wife separated after 8 months of having our first child. She completely shut me out for three months no text replies no phone calls and no email replies. What am I dealing with? Wer've been together for 7 years married for 5 years. Yes, I've made my mistakes but nothing that would deserve this treatment. Ok, I yelled at her the day she left.

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Answers (2)
John Folk-Williams, Health Guide
9/30/10 3:06pm

Hi -


I'm sorry this problem led to separation. Obviously, I can't say for sure what's happening (and I'm neither a doctor nor psychologist), but something like 10-15% of women go into deep depression after childbirth - postpartum depression. That's really no different from depression at any other time, and one symptom can be shutting down emotionally with the people closest to them.

This is an illness that can push someone into despair or rob them of all feeling.


There's another problem, though, that could be going on - bipolar disorder. That's characterized by mood swings, from deep depression to hyperactivity. It would take a consultation with a psychiatrist or at least a family doctor to diagnose what's happening.


When I was depressed, I often felt I could solve my unhappiness by leaving my wife. Fortunately, things didn't go that far, but I caused a lot of hurt for her.


If this is what's happening to your wife, her behavior toward you is part of her inner struggle. You take the brunt of it, but whatever she says - and abusive behavior is part of it - it's about her depression, not you.


I hope she can consult with someone soon to get a professional opinion on what might be going on.


My best to you -



evolkitten, Community Member
9/25/10 2:18pm

im definatly not an expert but i can tell you that after my husband and i had our son about 6 months later i went into a depression and shut my husband who i loved so much out.i was mean i didnt want him to touch me always yelling and wanting to leave.i felt almost trapped.i was stuck at home with this little person and i felt like i had no help its not easy for her or you.its gonna hurt but she may need have your beautiful baby and hopefully in time youll have her to.were back toghether 14 yrs later  so good luck and im the wrong person to say this but itll get better

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By j, Community Member— Last Modified: 12/27/10, First Published: 09/25/10