My husband is shouting & yelling almost daily on anything that occurs. This has been a method of response for him regarding anything he does not like or want since we were married. However, it occurred every so often. I was in such denial relenting to avoid the confrontations. Now that we are residing in a very small abode, and under financial pressure, I find him exploding daily. I find that response unnerving & demeaning--my self confidence & nerves are both affected. Anyone have any answers or commentary that might help me to deal effectively with this anger & rage? It is not normal. It used to embarrass & shame me but now I realize the problem is his. What do I do?
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Q: What does one do to address anger & rage in the form of yelling & shouting?
Answers (2)
1/ 7/10 6:56pm
Hi, Amy -
This is a problem I used to have, and I know how damaging this can be for the family. It's a big step that you've been able to realize that it's his problem and isn't caused by anything you do. Your self-esteem must have taken terrible blows before this got through to you, and I would suggest that you seek your own help in counseling to heal from such long abuse. I hope when you feel strong or desperate enough you can tell your husband what his behavior is doing to you and set some limits as to what you'll tolerate. When I was in that state, it was all about depression, anxiety and fear that I just couldn't deal with. I knew I was out of control but couldn't stop myself from blowing up at every little thing. In my case, I was convinced my wife and kids were setting me off, but it was really the pain of depression and denial that the problem was inside me. It sounds like your husband hasn't tried to look into that rage, and he needs to make the decision to see a counselor or therapist to get a handle on what he's experiencing. I'm so glad you're not blaming yourself, and I hope you can let him know that he can't go on as he has been.
Please let us know how you're coming along with this - there are many forms of help at this site.
John
1/ 1/10 9:35pm
Amy, good for you that you are no longer willing to take this! My dad was exactly like that and has mellowed some with age, but he's intimidated my mother their whole married life and I always wished she would have given him an ultimatum.
I do think anger is sometimes a cover for something else, maybe depression or fear. I would suggest either you see a therapist yourself, for starters, or insist that he go with you to a couples therapist; my husband and I have gone through it and it's the only way we could get down to the nitty-gritty of why we each acted the way we did. I can imagine you might expect your husband to get angry about this suggestion, but maybe if he thinks he might lose you, it might be enough motivation. My mother never went that far. My dad was beaten as a kid and is a WWII veteran and was wounded, so I suspect some PTSD going on with him, but people their age just don't want to admit to having any "mental" problems.
Don't know if this has been helpful or not, but I sure wish you the best - you deserve better treatment than that and your husband is probably in some kind of pain, as well, or he wouldn't be so rageful. Feel free to write again, let us know how else we can be of help.
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By Amy— Last Modified: 12/24/10, First Published: 01/01/10
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