Than you Judy, I have since bumped into my ex and he said that he made the biggest mistake breaking up with me.   He told me he loved me for the first time and said that he wants to marry me if he can get through this.  He is indeed depressed and is going to counseling.  He said he doesn't want to get back together until he knows he is better and won't do this to me again.  He proposed being friends, not seeing other people and seeing eachother casually, he can't deal with the pressure of a relationship right now.  One thing that is bothering me is that he dated two other girls while we were broken up for only two weeks, he said that he thought that I would be dating other people, so he wanted to.  He said that nothing happened.   We hung out a few times, went to his parents for dinner, then back to his place for a movie, on the way home in the car he was having a panic attack which he later told me was because he thought that we may have sex and wasn't sure if it would complicate things.  I went to the bathroom and noticed that the 4 condoms that he kept under the sink were gone, I asked him about this and he said that he moved them beside his bed becasue was planing on having sex while we were broken up.  This bothers me because he broke up with me, and he should have tried to get me back if he loved me.  This was very dramatic, I was crying and didn't believe him right away, I also wanted to see his phone as proof that he ended things with the other girls.  He tried to reassure me but I was so upset.    I later apologized because I overreacted, he was very upset though, he was crying.  He said he needed to be alone.  I called him the next night and he was still very upset, he sounded terrible.  The following night I received some funny texts from him. The next night he called me and we chatted.  I asked him to hang out and he seemed reluctant, we went shopping and had a quick dinner.  He didn't seem himself.  Since then he seems to be worse, he is not wanting to see me and is spending more time alone.  He has cancelled on me a couple of times.  He didn't answer the phone one night last week and didn't call me back.  He never does this.  I feel like he may be seeing someone eventhough he told me that he wasn't. I am wondering if it is normal for men who are depressed to try to make themselves feel better by dating other women, maybe they think that a new relationship will make them feel better?  I can deal witht he depression, but can't deal with him dating others behind my back.   He has also been to his doctor recently and he didn't give him any medication because he had taken it before and had side effects.  I feel that he definitely needs to be on medication because he has both anxiety and depression.

I think you may be right when you ask if depressed men might try to make themselves feel better by dating other women.  Remember, these would be women he doesn't know well, so there are none of the expectations that he would encounter in a committed relationship.  I'm guessing he doesn't really know what he feels right now.  I wonder how many different medications he's tried - one might have bad side effects, but another type may not.  Perhaps you should suggest going to a therapy session with him, although if he's feeling panicky this may not be the time.  However, it's going to take some doing for you to trust him again.  Maybe keeping your own distance for a bit might be good - for yourself.  I think he's probably not ready to really get back into the relationship yet, which he more-or-less told you but it seems that maybe things got a little more involved than he had possibly planned on.

Again, I wish you the best and hope you'll take good care of yourself.  Keep us posted - there are a lot of other people in your situation.

The same thing has been happening to me for nearly 3 years now.  We got back together last October, talked about his depression and he couldn't give me an answer as to why he just upped and left me 5 months earlier.  So since October things were really good, he said he was committed to me (he hadn't had a relationship for 3 years)  his depression he felt ruined every relationship he had.  We were great together, I know he loved me, and he cared for me deeply.  he said all that s**t was behind him now and he was never going off again.  BUT, beginning of August I could see him sliding into depression again, all the tell tale signs.  He left my house one night saying he would call the next day and he never.  I called at his place, rang him, e mailed, texted but he ignored everything.  In the past he has replied my e mail telling me how he was feeling and that he was no good for me etc.  This time nothing.  I gave him ample opportunities to end us, just tell me I said and that will be it?  But he has never said he wants to end it.  It is almost 3 months now.  he has been in touch more but only about other things, he completely ignores what I ask him about us, apart from once when he said that he was no good for me because he is broke and cant support me or contribute.  He uis struggling with work and money problems at the moment.  I told him that its not about money etc and I just wanted him.  He said we would talk about it but that was a week ago now and still nothing.  How could we go from a loving 'normal' relationship to this??

I feel sad, sometimes angry, confused, bewildered, you name it.  It is depression I know, he loses all the love in him when this happens.  All I am doing is waiting.

I am still living my life and preparing myself for him not coming back but its hard. Its like he just doesnt know what he wants so he's keeping me in limbo until he does?

I've read so many stories on these forums all very similar.  It helps to know I'm not alone.

The same thing has been happening to me for nearly 3 years now.  We got back together last October, talked about his depression and he couldn't give me an answer as to why he just upped and left me 5 months earlier.  So since October things were really good, he said he was committed to me (he hadn't had a relationship for 3 years)  his depression he felt ruined every relationship he had.  We were great together, I know he loved me, and he cared for me deeply.  he said all that s**t was behind him now and he was never going off again.  BUT, beginning of August I could see him sliding into depression again, all the tell tale signs.  He left my house one night saying he would call the next day and he never.  I called at his place, rang him, e mailed, texted but he ignored everything.  In the past he has replied my e mail telling me how he was feeling and that he was no good for me etc.  This time nothing.  I gave him ample opportunities to end us, just tell me I said and that will be it?  But he has never said he wants to end it.  It is almost 3 months now.  he has been in touch more but only about other things, he completely ignores what I ask him about us, apart from once when he said that he was no good for me because he is broke and cant support me or contribute.  He uis struggling with work and money problems at the moment.  I told him that its not about money etc and I just wanted him.  He said we would talk about it but that was a week ago now and still nothing.  How could we go from a loving 'normal' relationship to this??

I feel sad, sometimes angry, confused, bewildered, you name it.  It is depression I know, he loses all the love in him when this happens.  All I am doing is waiting.

I am still living my life and preparing myself for him not coming back but its hard. Its like he just doesnt know what he wants so he's keeping me in limbo until he does?

I've read so many stories on these forums all very similar.  It helps to know I'm not alone.