Unfortunately, it is common for depression to return months or even years after your first episode.  What is good is that you recognize the symptoms, so you can do something now and not let it get to a place of desperation.  Do you have anyone you can talk to about this?  Perhaps a pastor, friend, or someone else you trust?  It would be best to see a doctor, which will probably mean medication.  But the big drug companies usually have a program to help people get the medication they need for little or no cost.

I had major depression when I was in my teens, then again starting in my early twenties all the way into my mid 40's.  My doctors and I did everything we could think of to stop the depression, but nothing really worked except seeing a therapist.  I had insurance, so I could afford her.  After seeing her for several years, I realized that I didn't need to see her anymore and could make it on my own.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you look at the thoughts and feelings and actions that go along with being depressed, and help you change them, help you cope better.  Is there any government mental health clinic in your area?  Sometimes they will let you pay for office visits on a sliding scale and will provide medication.

The best advice I had was from the therapist I saw for years.  When I felt suicidal, she said, "Always wait and things will change.  They may not change that day, but change is eventual and you will be glad that you did not give in to despair.  Give life a chance to change."  Grieving the loss of a loved one can last a long time and it is hard to see beyond grief to better times.  Is there a hospice center anywhere near you?  They often offer free group therapy for those in grief.

Best wishes to you.  You have faith, I know, because you have come to this site seeking help.  I hope we will be able to help you here.