Some of my family members are not very understanding much less nice about my situation. My Dad & my sister are very negative and opinionated about everything. Thank you for any words of wisdom on this issue.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
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Q: How do you deal with difficult family members while dealing with depression and anxiety?
Answers (4)
12/29/09 2:30am
Hi, Carolyn -
This is a tough problem, since a history of depression may well be tied into family behavior going back to one's childhood. I had to work hard to view my mother's negativity as her problem, not mine - and eventually that took the power out of her words and attitudes about me. It may not be possible, but if you can talk to your Dad and sister - one on one - they might respond if you let them know that what they say doesn't help and causes a lot of hurt and puts a block between you. If it's possible to get out of their attack-defense mode and put the discussion on a level about your love for them - that may work. These are a couple of things I've tried, and they helped reduce the impact on me of parents' negative comments.
I really hope you can find a way to help yourself with this.
My best -
John
12/28/09 11:20pm
Hello, Carolyn. Do you live with your dad and sister? If you do, you probably should tell them how you feel when they are negative about your anxiety and depression. If you don't live with them, I would just try to limit how much time I spent with them. Some people have a hard time understanding what it's like to deal with depression and anxiety and it's kind of a waste of energy to try and "make" them. Nevertheless, they could at least just not say anything at all about it. Maybe you could tell them that if they continue to be very negative to you that you will take a break from them for a while. I don't know if that's something you are able to do, not knowing what your relationship is like with them, otherwise. None of my family wants to hear about how I feel and I just stopped trying to tell them and have accepted the fact that our relationship is just going to be superficial, sad as that sounds. I get support from other people and maybe you could, as well. Do you have a therapist? If not, you might consider finding one so you have a safe place to talk.
Don't know if this helped at all, but I wish you the best and hope you feel free to write here again any time.
1/ 3/10 6:38pm
I do not live with my parents or sister. I try to have a relationship with them but they do not seem to want the same. They never hold back from their negative feelings or thoughts but the sure do hold back on any positive comments. I do not have a therapist. I do not have any insurance at the moment. But, my husband finally got a job after being laid off since memorial day so we will be getting insurance in the coming months. I definetly need a therapist. Thanks you for your help. Have a nice day.
Carolyn
1/ 3/10 7:39pm
Carolyn, if you don't want to wait several months for insurance, here is a link to a sharepost by Merely Me on how to get help if you don't have insurance or can't afford it. I hope you can soon be coping with this more easily!
12/30/09 3:24am
Caroyln, once again experience has made possible some interesting views that may be helpful to you. Seeing that most responses are paractical I will deal with one aspect of your situation and that is anxiety.
To fear or to feel kor to emote as a looser in a struggle has it's root as in many cases with identity. Not knowing your own strenght or your own self worth or your own identity all enables the sense of fear. Once again the blindness of the real you promotes the misfire of thinking within one's self to believe an accept weakness instead of a self determining being of strenght that can't be taken by anyone.
We all have different definitions of life and what it is. We have different views on levels and experiences. But life is experienced on different levels bases on Knowledge of who you are. Co-existance, fellowship all grows from self awareness. Fear has it's beganings when we believe a lie about who we are.
Fear based on the assualt of another, the taking away of something external to you all value related to what you think and hold worth in.
It' may sound strange but fear is a choice of emotion to experience. One that is decided by the person having the emotion experience. Therefore you can choose not to fear and the strenght of that choice is always based on what you think of yourself internal or attacks on your person, or external attacks on that which is external to you.
When you decide not to fear you can choose not to have this emotional experience base on the fact that you will loose the external thing you hold value too or the personal thing yourself that you hold worth in.
I don't usually do this but the truth requires it. When Chirst decided to yeild to his father's will in the garden of eden. He decided that his person hood given to attack would cause the loss of his life but trusting in the father he believed and accepted that he would live again. After the garden you see no more fear in him except for a little miss understanding when he cried out father why has thou forsaken me, but quickly yeilded again to his father's will. " Into thy hands I commit my spirit". Once again all fear is defeated through Love. Committment to the salvation of yourself in the hands of another. This one being God himself.
So in closing love is the answer to fear. And love in it's basic definition is commitment to something else.
Joshua/Hopeboy.
12/30/09 4:39am
Avoidance, stay away from them, find a protective haven, don't wear your emotions on your sleeves, I have problems with my family too, but therapist tell me I am allowing them to bother me. My mother has issues with me and its cycling through the family. this hurts very much because everyone wants to be loved, therfore I clearly understand what you are going through. for example,Christmas morning, my sister who has not spoken to me in seven years came over to moms while I was there, then mom blames me for everything. I left and did not return and stayed in bed crying all day. I allowed them to get to me. What I should have done was go visit my in-laws and other people that I love and who would have loved to see me.Remember others can not do for us what we need to do for our selves. We got to get strong by finding something worthwhile in life to keep us busy, meditate in the word of God helps me and prayer. Pray for them. An old man told me let it be the other person with the problem.Let the good times in your life overule the bad. I am a softy and allow people to use me because I am a peopl pleaser. Find you a good therapist to deal with the situation to build you up.
1/ 3/10 6:58pm
My Mom calls me the peace maker. I wish I did not have to make peace amongst my family and it just stinks. I had a New Years Eve party for some close friends and family. This was our first get together in years. None of my family came which was so typical and had no good reason. The next day I thought about your post and decided that the people that do love me and want to be in my life were at my house that night. I need to somehow let go of the hopes that my family would love and treat me the same way my husbands family already does. I pray all the time. I have a stong faith in God and I do try to live my life in the way God would want me to. That is why I think I have stopped my suicide attempts in the past. I do need a therapist. I wish I had insurance but it looks like in a couple months we will have insurance again since my husband finally found employment. Thanks for your help! Take Care.
Carolyn
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I will keep your suggestions in mind. It is very difficult to deal with the negativity when I just try to keep the peace. I know my Dad & sister has issues that are not my problem but it is hard not to be affected by their comments. I do feel as though I need to seek a therapist that can help me so that I may be able to overlook their negativity. Thanks for your help. Have a nice day.
Carolyn