I was the depressed spouse (BiPolar, Law School) but I was hospitalized, got treatment, saw therapists and got involved. However, my spouse perceived me as a mental patient. In 12 steps programs, we often see how people who try to control the situation make it worse by infantilizing the person. It enables patients to stay stuck, they lose self-esteem and self-respect and it spirals. I agree with the other response that you have to talk to them, figure out your bottom line and create boundaries. Unfortunately, my spouse got angry and resentful because I didn't do things I was supposed to know he wanted done. Since I was home "sick" I should cook, clean, exercise to OCD levels.  He made himself (and me) sick. Please do not withold love, affection, or sex as these are natures antidepressants. I had a withholder who made himself a sexaholic, (from masturbation, cyberporn, and we are now processing an affair.) I acted in, he acted out. Watch your codependency. So much anger for a "Keep the Peace" generation. I will tell you that I switched therapists after 7 years. In one year of recovery there are people who do not recognize me, or recognize the old me. Its wonderful! Keep yourself healthy-positive begets positive. Whatever the outcome, I am finally happy.