Hi Merely Me thankyou for your reply.Most of the things you said are right on target.When I was working I was just going through the motions.I was a ship with out a course.I felt like I was not living my life the way I would like to do.When I was laid off I almost felt a sence of relief.Of course everybody needs to work but I felt I would use this time to change.I have been thinking of going back to school and changing occupations.I may have to work at a temporary job until I am done with school to get by.I also want to get out more and do things,exercise,date,have fun,feel alive.I do have issues with the people that surround me now.I love my mother but she can be very negative.I am 46 you think that this would not effect me that much but it does.When I was growing up I raised my brother and sister my mother was an alcoholic and my father had mental health issues and was violent at times.I did have an angel that saved my life my grandmother who gave me unconditional love and who I stayed with often.She passed away 2 years ago at 89.What does all this have to do with now? My mother stopped drinking when I was 29 and has been sober since.My father mellowed out and his meds kicked in.My mother however calls me almost daily and can be very negative she never followed up with a therapist to resolve her issues.She tries to control people.My sister is very depressed I have given her suggestions on how to get help and talked with her but nothing has happened.I get the same call every day mostly from my mother and sometimes from my sister.They bring me down.How do I change with all these negative vibes around me? I used to try to heal everybody but that made me exhausted.How would you handle negative family members? I feel violated when I am harassed about what I am doing.My mother is trying to hold me back.My sister is a mess.What can I do to minimize the negative effects on me.You are right I want to change.But does this mean I will have to cut my family off?I need to focus on myslf now.Any suggestions would be really great.

Hi again, Hope - I know I just responded to your question on this same topic.  I told you that I had a similar family background and I even had an angel grandmother who saved my life with unconditional love.  I'll bet you miss her a lot.  Mine died 33 years ago and I still miss her!

You asked about whether or not meds are always needed.  I don't know that they're always needed, but sometimes they can make you feel good enough to do whatever work you need to do in therapy.  It's hard work and can be unsettling and if depression and anxiety are getting in the way of making progress, or you feel like you're in a crisis situation, they might be quite helpful.  The trouble is, it's sometimes a guess as to which ones will do the trick for a particular person, so you need a lot of patience in that regard.  But, you've made the commitment to change and I think you'll do whatever you need to do to heal.  It IS time for you now, so I wish you the best!

Hi judy thankyou for your reply.You are right something inside of me is saying I am not happy with my life now and I need to change.I think I may need to change my cnp.She sometimes takes days to return my calls which is very annoying.I also stopped going to my therapist due to money concerns maybe I can find some free help or groups to go to.Isolating myself does not work.Plus I need help dealing with my family issues.And above all I feel deep down inside that I need to change it has taken on a new life of its own.Thankyou for all your help.God bless you

Hope, if you're not happy with your CNP, don't be afraid to change.  Your well-being is too important to have to put up with being ignored for several days - that sends a bad message.  I hope you can get back into therapy, too, or even a support group; I'm sure it's tougher now when you're not working.  But now, when you have the time, would be a good time to dive into it, if you can.  Good luck with your family stuff, I totally empathize.  You're the smart one.

Hi thankyou for your reply.I think that a support group or therapy or both is the answer.Plus finding a responsible cnp would be a good thing.You are right being laid off it has given me time to think.I am sick of the emptyfeeling,lack of energy,lack of enjoyment that I have been putting up with for years.I will push myself to join a group and I also feel that exercise will help.I will try without changing my meds but will change meds if I cannot get to where I want to be.I will try to deal with my family and realize if I am not well I can not help others.Thankyou for all your help.

This is the first time I have been on this page but felt I needed to respond. There are times when I believe meds for depression are needed.... but for your situation I would advise that they really only be temporary until you get back into a normal schedule for your life. It is right to work, it is good for us. It gives us sense of purpose and accomplishment. 

We all need family and friends, but neither of them should determine your life. You are the one who is in charge and I heard it said before, if you want a change, make a change. Every individual can do this, regardless of family or friend influence if they so determine. 

Exercise is also very good and healthy. Fresh air, sunshine, a good workout, can give a person a fresh perspective on life. 

Lastly, I would advise instead of joining a group that may talk about problems and how to solve them, to join a good Bible believing church where you can make good friends, be accepted for who you are, and for finding God's plan and purpose for your life. He is the One who gives us purpose and when you truly find out what that is, then all other challenges of life seem so minimal in comparison to what He gives you to accomplish. 

May you find in all of this, balance for you life with true happiness and satisfaction knowing that you are fulfilling the purpose of why you are you. 

Jeremiah 29:11 

Blessings, 

Judy #2