Thursday, July 09, 2009 Linda53 asks

Q: How do I get away from responsibility that isn't mine to have?

I am a mother of a disabled son and before last July we were doing very well. Two years ago one of my relatives that I haven't seen for over 27 yrs came to live around the corner from me. They live in the same apt duplex that my son and I live.

I gave up having a car because of the expense and hassels that cars are. My aunt lied to me last year and said that a car would help take her and my uncle to the store and such. My aunt's granddaughter came for a summer visit last summer and she ended up staying. Even though I was asked to take her back and forth to school, I was told that my cousin would help. This was all a lie!

My cousin travels now with her husband that works construction and I am left with the responsibility of her mom and dad and this grandchild who is fixing to turn 17 and refuses to get her learners and license.

I stay on the road more than at home and all the legal aspects of this car is on me. I am also trying to go to school online through Kaplan University and still trying to take of my son. I am so angry and hurt. I want to get away but have nowhere to go. My nerves are shot and my antidepressants are not helping. Can someone give me any suggestions in how to handle this bad situation before I have a nervous breakdown?

Answers (2)

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Teri Robert

7/ 9/09 1:23pm

Linda,

As difficult as it may be, you're going to have to find a way to break from these family members. Your first responsibility is, and must remain, to your son and yourself.

Something that might make it easier for you to do is to explore social services in your community that would provide transportation to your aunt and uncle. That way, you could give them alternatives when you tell them that you can no longer continue to provide them with transportation. Check for a senior citizen's center in your area. They're often good sources of services and information about other groups that provide services.

Keep us posted?

Good luck,

Teri

Linda53

7/ 9/09 2:14pm

Hi Teri. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I have to put my son and myself first. Somewhere in the shuffle of the last year, I lost site of this. I will check into these programs but getting my aunt to say yes to them will not be easy. God bless,

7/ 9/09 11:15am

Hello, my name is Mare, I am just checking in after being away from the computer for a long time...found this when I logged in.

My first thought is to wish you well, and better days ahead...sometimes it takes a very long time to come to the conclusion of what happens to us, and then, we understand better, with more clarity.

I would say that to remedy the situation you have right now, you must go to the people involved, have a quick to the point talk, and tell them exactly what you say here about your daily life.

If it were my situation I would have done the same thing to help out initially, yet, we are all taxed these days.

Tired. Tired from people who need, even.

It is for you to decide if you are being taken advantage of.

It is just very clear to me that I would go to them all and tell them you are now overwhelmed ~ and must take the pressure onto themselves and deal.

It is good to guard yourself more ~ in light of the fact of your own life being extremely hard....you come across as a helpful person.

To say "no" or "no more" really is ok, to say no is to free yourself to concentrate on your self in staying healthy, physically AND emotionally ~ in order to care for your son.

This call in life, is very tough, I feel for you, empathize.

Please know that there are people out there who understand.

So, step back, go with what is your priority ~ YOU.

If you are not feeling rested and peaceful, you are not able to take on any more, and must speak up.

Really, maybe talking to them ~with hope ,you will find they will be agreeable.

*If they are not, then do you really need people in your life like this?

Make getting sleep your number one focus.

It allows you to deal with the day better.

As far as your prescribed med, go to your provider and speak to her/him....meds take a long time to kick in, but they do not change life around you.

It is always recommended to get some measure of therapy to learn new ways to look at things, new perspectives.

You have to make the changes, and if you are not able to right now, then that is ok as well! Clear your plate, you'll be glad you did, it is good to to that.

I wish I could offer you three wishes :)

Now I mean it when I say...

Take care,

Mare

Linda53

7/ 9/09 2:11pm

Thank you Mare. Talking to my aunt isn't easy. She is the type of person who thinks she is right and the world is wrong. My uncle is a very loving kind soul who is very ill. This morning my aunt knew something was wrong. I don't want to hurt her so I said nothing for the moment. I have chosen to let the car insurance run out on the 20th of this month. In a calm voice I told my aunt that all I want is for things to go back like they were before this car was purchased. With that she let it be known that she will start searching for another place across town where my 17 yr. old cousin goes to school. I think this is best. You are so right, I have to focus on myself and my son. God gave me such a sweet son. He has CP and is my very best friend. Thank you for your helpful words. Stay in touch.

Q: How do I get away from responsibility that isn't mine to have?

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