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Bella
Thursday, June 24, 2010 Bella asks

Q: My boyfriend of five years has a serious gambling. We are over 15,000 in Debt....

My boyfriend of five years has a serious gambling problem. He recently went to Vegas to go visit his family and hasnt called me for 5 days due to his gambling of course. He knows or fears that I will get on him for his gambling so he just doesnt call at all.After the first year that I was with him I realized that he had a gambling addiction but I stuck by his side due to the fact at that point feelings were involved and we moved in together . His father had a stroke about a year ago and ever since hes been going every other week. His family lives in Vegas so that is a wrong place to go to for an addict. His family lives a block away so it is so easy for him to gamble. We are 15,000 dollars or more in debt and tonite I looked into our account we are in the negative of over 2000.00 with outstanding checks that are bouncing left and right with no money in there. I cant believe how he can be so irresponsible.I cant sleep, eat I am so stressed about our bills and there is no money.. I am helpless and dont know what to do? He needs help but family doesnt help him nor his friends. I spoke to his brother and it just backfired on me so now my boyfriend alienated me from his family so therefore I wont be able to be there with him while he visits his family as they dont want me there. Which is pretty sad as I was very close to them but I am sure he has made up stories and lies to have them dislike me so therefore he can not have me there and gamble to his hearts content.I dont have anyone in my corner to help me or actually help him..Our relationship is really taking a toll due to this. I feel walked on, No respect and furthermore I am questioning does he really care for me? or is the gambling just taking over him? Please if anyone can give me some advice I would appreciate it!

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Judy
Judy
6/24/10 9:55am

Bella, it must be frightening to find yourself in this situation.  Your boyfriend sounds like his gambling addiction is very serious, in which case it will trump your relationship every time.  Unless he gets some help with this addiction, there is nothing you can do except leave.  His family sounds like they're of no help whatsover, so you've got no allies there, either.

 

Do you have a job yourself?  Are any of these debts in your name?  There are some things you can do, such as speaking to someone at a non-profit debt counseling clinic if some of this is in your name and see what you can work out to get yourself in the clear.  If he won't get help for himself, you have to help yourself.  Are you able to move out of your place?  You might be able to get some help from your county in terms of figuring out a strategy.  You could also attend Al-Anon meetings, which are not just for families of alcoholics but for any type of addiction, to get some support, as well.

 

I hope things turn out okay for you.  I know you probably don't want to leave him, but you aren't going to win over an addiction without him getting some help.  He'll drag you down with him and leave you in financial ruins, if that hasn't already happened.  Please talk with someone who can give you some guidance and support.  You can also write in here any time.  Take care.

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Ayinde
Ayinde
6/25/10 3:37am

First off I think it awesome that you stuck with him that long you are truly an angel of tolerance and forgiveness.  To be able to handle an addiction of this caliber and not cut and run as soon as you could is nothing short of heroic.  He is lucky to have you.  Nonetheless Judy is right you should definitely try to get some help for yourself and him.  It's not fair to you to have deal with his addiction.  They're plenty of hotlines and websites offering information and help for all sorts of addictions I guaranteed you can find something on gambling. 

 

I wish you the best of luck with this I hope you find some solace soon. 

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By Bella— Last Modified: 12/26/10, First Published: 06/24/10