married for 14 years..have a 5, 3, and 1 yr old. My husband has always had mild depression, but has always been able to pull himself out of it. The past few years it has gotten worse and worse. no job, no involvement with our kids...my 5 yr old asked me "Does Daddy love me?". i have asked him repeatedly to get help and he refuses saying nothing will help him. I am at the point of leaving because of this and for our kids sake. He says things like we will be better off etc...but I know deep down inside its not really what he wants. Can I force him to go to treatment? Even if we don't end up together he needs help.
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Q: can I force by husband for depression treatment?
Answers (3)
5/17/10 6:43pm
Hi Needhelp
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I can totally understand how you would be frustrated and weary by now. Your compassion and care for your husband really shows especially when you say that you want help for him even if you do leave.
For some people it is really hard to admit that they need help because they perceive it as some form of weakness or they are so depressed...they think nothing will help.
In answer to your question...generally only if an individual is homocidal or suicidal...can you force treatment. So...no you cannot force him to get help. It may be as Michel suggests that he may hit rock bottom before getting help. But it would be great if he could get help before that point.
If he would not go to a therapist...would he see his general practitioner? Can you point out physical symptoms...of his depression...to get him to see the doctor and perhaps there...the doctor can recommend a therapist?
Would he be okay about going with you to therapy as in a couples session?
I want you to read some of the posts by John Folk-Williams...one of our writers here who gives some excellent advice about men and depression treatment. Please read, "A Man Depressed-The Problem of Treatment."
I know this is really hard...nothing easy about it. Feel free to lean on us here for support as you go through this.
Let us know what happens.
5/14/10 2:11pm
Hello
Welcome to the site
To put it in a few words, you cant force your husband to get help, maybe leaving is just the thing to do but your the only judge of that, thinking of the children I would think that you want the best environment for them to grow healthy depression, addiction can come and stain that growth...ask anyone who as been with a depressed parent as a child.
These words might sound very harsh to you as I know you want to help him, thing is he must want the help and make the efforts to get it, no one else can do it for him your help can only go so far.
Again this is my oppinion if I may suggest something, it would be for you to see your GP and have a heart to heart talk about whats going on as this might help you immensly.
-Michel-
May these words find you well
5/14/10 4:12pm
Can you force him to go to treatment?
No, you can't. You can influence him, encourage him, motivate him, inspire him, provide information, love him, show that you care, build up his self-esteem, lead by example (show that life is worth living and all is well) etc. You can do so many things to help him and your family, but you cannot force him, manipulate him into going or threaten him to leave and expect that he will do it.
I don't know your story, so it is hard to give you any further advice. You can reach me via my web if you want.
Talk to him, explain how you feel about his mood and behaviour. Please, please, please...don't use sentences starting with "you are making me...." or "You are..", as this is the surest way to build a wall between you two.
It must be hard on you and your kids. It's also a pure hell for him.
There are lots of books and resources. I like Human Givens book by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell 'How to lift depression...fast'. Buy it, read it, leave it around the house. Maybe...only maybe...he will flip through it...but please don't force him.
With hope,
Kat
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By needhelp— Last Modified: 12/24/10, First Published: 05/14/10
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