I have told my mom and my brother that I want to kill my self. I want and need help. Im tired of living like this. why wont anyone help me? I hurt my self all the time and my mom still has to ask why. The pain gets worse everyday and the in the morning i dont want to get up. I didnt know how much playing my brothers Xbox affected my mornings but now I do know and I dont know if I can get through this next week because my brother has spring break. I know what ppl mean by the mornings r the worst. When I go to Sleep I dont ever want to wake up again. I know that this is suppose to happen because its what happened to my brother. but I know its My time to see my brother and sister after a decade of waiting to be with them again. Im tired of trying to get my family to help me. Im ready to take my own life.
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Q: Why wont anybody help Me? Why wont they notice my calls for help?
Lauryn...
We don't want you to harm yourself. We are listening.
You are not your siblings...you are you...and you will get through this. But you need to get some help right now. Here is what I am going to suggest you do...please call one of the following numbers. You are in the states correct?
# Call 1-800-SUICIDE / 1-800-784-2433
# Call 1-800-273-TALK / 1-800-273-8255
Many of us have felt the pain you are feeling. I have...and I called one of the hotline numbers for help. and they were very good about helping me.
I know you must be in a lot of pain right now. But it is possible to feel better...you just can't see that right now. And your feelings are made worse by the fact that you feel that the people closest to you are not listening. But this doesn't mean you take your life.
I want you to hang on...and I want you to call one of those numbers. Okay?
Please report back to us and let us know how you are doing. I will look for a post or comment or something tomorrow. I want to hear that you are okay.
Hi Lauryn!
Just checking up on you...how are you feeling today? Yes those numbers work 24 hours a day.
Let us know how things are going okay?
Hi Merley Me Im not doing good. My dog just died, My ankle hurts, My muscles hurt and all I want to do is die. okay I will let u all know. tomrorow whe my mom get her car back shes going to take me to the emergancy room and im going to ask for an evaluation by a psychiatrist or social worker. If I cant make it till tomorrow I will call one of those numbers. I will also take my computer if they keep me. I will keep yall posted on what they r going to do.
Lauryn
Oh Lauryn...
I am sorry about your dog...what horrible timing! I am glad though that your mom is taking this seriously and is going to get you some help. I will definitely be thinking about you.
Please do let us know what happens. I wish the best for you.
The only reason she is taking me is because of my ankle. Im going to ask for the evaluation because I dont want to feel like this any more. I will let u know what happens.
So what happened? Let us know! I am thinking of you.
I didnt get the evaluation but I did see my therapist. I ask him for antidepressants and he told me to ask doctor scott. I had a break down and I called the crisis hotline like u told me to. If I needed it and I did. It does help to talk to them. I asked my dad when he was getting married and he said soon. Later I learned he already got married and didnt let me be there like I wanted to or tell me about it. Even if I dont like her and I dont think she likes me. I still wanted to be there. I want to be in his life and I want him to be in mine. Doesnt any girl secretly want their dad to be there for them. To hug them when they need a hug. so they can know where some of their genes come from. If u r depressed in ur teens do ur kids have a higher chance of getting depression? Well my dad was depressed in his teens. Thats where it came from(I think). It still is my fate. My dad still struggles with it and doesnt take anything for it. He has struggled with depression scince his teens. Does that mean I will still have it when Im 60yrs old??
Lauryn
First of all, I completely understand. I have been there. On my third suicide attempt, my mother said, "Well, what do you expect ME to do about it?" She didn't understand that the first attempt I really wanted to die, but the third attempt was to SCREAM that I needed help. I didn't know how to express all the pain that was inside, pain so bad I just wanted to die. I didn't want to live another minute.
At least I thought I didn't.
But now, I am glad I didn't die. And you will be glad someday that you decided not to die. There is life beyond depression. I was severely depressed for years and tried many medications and therapists trying to get well. And it took quite a while, but when I started taking Zyprexa and Wellbutrin at the same time, I began to feel better. And since about 2004, I have not been depressed anymore. At least no more than a normal person would be.
It takes courage to live. Repeat. IT TAKES COURAGE TO LIVE. Do you have that kind of courage? I know you do. It is there inside you. Decide you want to live, because I can tell you from experience that life IS worth living when you start feeling better.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not, get to one ASAP for evaluation and treatment. Hospitalization for a few days might even be a good idea. A hospital was where I needed to be in order to be safe. A hospital visit was a blessing, because there, I didn't have to make any decisions. Food, clean linens, comfortable clothing, a daily schedule, counseling, etc. It was all provided.
If your family doesn't see or understand that you need help in order to keep living, then take charge yourself. Go and check yourself into a hospital and ask for an evaluation by a psychiatrist or social worker. Tell them the truth about how you are feeling.
When you can, report back here, Lauryn and let us know about your progress.
Donna
Hi Donna No Im not seeing psychiatrist. My medical is through the military base and once u get the help it helps but they take forever to get u the help. I recently like just today broke my ankle and I cant drive(No drivers liecence) if I did i would go check my self into the hospitle. If I have to go the extrem messure I think I might be able to talk to my dads girlfriend she is a psychrist but thats if I have to go to the extreme. She dont me and I dont like her. So yeah im kinda stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I have told my family a million times that i want kill my self and my moms responce to that is "If ur so unhappy go live with ur dad" thats my moms responce. Thank you so much for giving me that advice. Ill see if my dad will take me this weekend(If I last that long) and thank you for being here when I have noone else that understands what im going through.
I will report back here and tell u all how im doing but Its not like I dont get on everyday.
Lauryn
Lauryn, I know I said this before to you, but I want to say it again - what happened to your brother does NOT mean it has to happen to you. You have a free will and you don't have to make the same choice he made. I'm sorry that he took his life and he might even be sorry now, especially when he sees how it has affected you. But it was not your fault and not your responsibility. Tell your parents you are afraid and that you need to see a doctor NOW. Or tell them you need to go to an emergency room. Also, think about how they would feel if they lost a third child. As a parent myself, I can tell you that it would be the worst pain I could think of. Maybe your mother doesn't seem to hear you because she is afraid of having to go through this again. If she won't get you help, can you call your therapist or your psychiatrist and say you are in a crisis? Perhaps they can get through to your mother.
Please let us know what you're going to do to keep yourself safe. We want to hear from you again.
Judy, I cant help but think that this is my fate. That this is suppose to happen to me. I have no one to help me get through this. My dad never answers my calls. My mom just wont answer to my calls for help neither will my brother. Im in more pain that I have been in my whole life because im depressed, suicidal, and I have a broken ankle. On top of that im like 45 minutes for the nearest military base. My dad would not care if I died. He dont care anybody but his stupid girlfriend. He let his girlfriend kick me and my brother out of the house we were living in down in arizona. I hate that winch. She ruined my life. Shes going to burn in hell for what she did. hes not my therapist. hes a behavior therapist. he cant help me. For one I cant tell him to help me till next tuesday when I go to see him. I will let u know what im going to do to keep myself safe. U will hear from me. Thank you for responding to my messages.
Lauryn
Lauryn, If you go we will miss you, I promise. Your family cannot respond to what they do not understand. I do not know what happened to your brother, but it is not your fate. I know that you have heard everything happens for a reason, and no we do not always understand why, it is not meant for us to understand everything. We have to accept life's choices. My life took a turn for the worst, I did not ask why, I just adjusted. It is not easy for me nor will it be easy for you. Life is not easy, and yes sometimes that sucks the big one. Lewis Grizzard had a saying in one of his books, that I love, "don't sweat the small stuff it's all small stuff". Honor your brother by living the best that you can. He is smiling on you now, I know he is. Life really is good, we just have to look for the good, it is hard to find sometimes, but when you do find it, you will know that it was worth it. Try and understand people have a tendancy to not deal with the bare life fact, and hurts, and they avoid what they do not understand. It does not mean that they do not love you, they just do not know what to do. Lauryn, be well.
sherry/smomdukes
Hi my brother killed his self when he was 21 that was like ten years ago. he killed his self because he was depressed and im sure he probley called for help many of times and never got an answer. My mom didnt get his call for help and shes not getting mine. It is my fate if it wasnt my mom would help me but shes not helping me. Thank you for responding to my Question.
Lauryn
I have read all the questions and answers...I am sad about the things you have gone through. I have been through quite a bit myself. I never wanted to try any medications...Thought I was to good for that. Well here I am a year later taking wellbutrin. It has created a better life for..I did not want to live at times either. I am glad I sought help just as you are now. It may take a few different tries with different medications. The pain you speak of could you share what its like..I would like to know if its anything like the depression I found myself in...I am sure you are a very nice and honest person who is looking for real help...I feel that if you find the person or therapist that will listen and understand to the best of their ability and you feel a connection you may find that you can un leashe what it is that is basically holding you hostage to the unfortunate circumstance you find yourself in...It is a miserable feeling to be depressed. I am sitting here to tell you that their is something in the medical feild that will allow your happy rceptors to work as they should so your life can get on track...I am going to include a website. This doctor has question and answer on tuesday nights over the phone confrence call. I think you will be happy ot ask him a question and hear his answer..He is very blessed and intelligent. His name is Dr. Sponaugle.. Call them toll free and have them give you the web site or how to get on the confrence call...877-775-2770....All depression and other un happy type of feelings normally have something to do with a chemical imbalance. Whish is either your dopamein levels, Sarratonin, of endorfin level... Either way when something traumatizing happens such as your brother it very well could of effected your levels and caused them to go wacky....Please try to call their office. He also does a in person confrence in Tarpon Springs....I will be keeping you in prayer. I am sending a link to our cyber church. Its the church I attend and its on the web and tv...Best wishes for a happy and healed future...
Thank you I will call that number and go on the website. I rly hope i can have a happy and healed future. Thank you again.
Lauryn
You are welcome. When you call you may think at first that its just for drug users, but as you will listen you will see that the people that he is talking to have conditions within their brain and or body chemistry that when they do certain drugs or other activities cause their brain receptors to feel good temporarally and thus the reason they get depressed more and do whatever activity it is that makes them think they way they do.. When you get on the conference call i want you to beep in by pushing *7...Then address him of course and tell him whats going on with you. I am 95% sure he will be able to help you.....I am thanking God for watching over you as you begin this journey to freedom fron the things that hold you back from the life you are to be living. Its only a matter of time before you will be healthier..You have taken the first step which is the hardest and thats reaching out to people that understand your pain....I want you to visit our church on the web... I think you will enjoy Pastor Allen..He is a very high energy guy that is great on inspiring people to towards a healthy life....He was told when he was youg he would never be able to talk infront of people, so when he expressed his intrest in preaching they said never at the place he was at...I hope to hear you on tuesday. I try to listen each tuesday because of this reason right here. I have a desire to help anyone that wants it....Take care of yourself, and I really mean it. You are in control of what you do to you, so please anytime you feel that pain remember their are people like me that you will meet as life goes on that truly do care and would love to be your friend....
I want to tell you about my story in 1988 I fell off a very high ladder and I herd a pop from that point my life went to hell I have been in pain from that year on than I was in 4 car accidents shot once stabbed 2 times . In 1989 I met a great woman 2 kids later and 18 years I lost every job i had none of them lasted over a year because of my bad back I finally had to go for social security Disability
on that day after 20 years of marrige I loved my wife and kids they ment the world to me . She through me out took everything I had and told my kids I was a drug addict and the only reason that I was going for SSD was that i just didnt want to work and I havent seen them since after I spent 2 and a half years in bed from the pain it got so bad not even oxycottin and oxycodone togethre did not help I was on enough for 3 people I was trapped in a kind of hell that you cant even think of the only way I can describe it is like beening set on fire from the in side I had very little help when I had to go to the hospital they called me a drug addict and treated me like dirt doctors in pa are affrade of helping and they wont so there are some out there I have been living for 23 years in serve pain dont give up dont give them the sattisfaction I have to move out of state to get help to MT there is help there
hi
Thank you for telling me your story. im really sorry that your going through that. when i wrote this question last year i was at a really bad time in my life. i had just told my family wat happened to me and i was really depressed. i was also having nightmares and flashbacks. And now im off my meds and i feel better than i have in 10 years. i am not having flashbacks or nightmares. A year after i go to the cops about everything they said that they didnt have enough evidence to convict so he is free and could do it again but i pray and hope that he doesnt do it again. im not having any luck finding a guy that can accept what happened to me and can help me start my future. i am not going to therapy anymore either but i still seem to be as happy as ever.
Lauryn
hi I ws just wondering what meds you were on and why you got off them im not sure if the meds were making you feel as bad as you did or if the meds helped and you felt better so you stopped taking them please let me know
I want you to know I have sufferred with depression since the age of 16, 40 yrs and I do know that unless you yourself have faced its many ugly faces and scary dark places, you are pretty much on your own with the help of a VERY good Psychiatrist. That is sad to say but it's the truth. You didn't say how old you are?? I would love to chat with you on here I think I could help or at least give you someone to talk, 
Write me back...Finally happy !!!!
hi i am 18 years old and it has been hard within the past few months with relationships, and dealing with not getting the justice i deserve or at least think i deserve. no one understands what ur going through unless they have been their themselfs and my family has never been there so they dont know what i went through since i was 8. for 10 years i kept everything that happened 2 me inside because i thought i was going 2 get hurt if i ever told any1 about what happened and i also thought i was alone with what happened and alone in the world period. i would love to chat with you on here 2.
Lauryn
Hi Lauryn,
My name is Molly and I have read a few of the posts on here and was wondering if you are still on this page? I suffer from severe depression and am going through a rough time at the moment and would love some insight into how you got to where you are today.
Thanks
Molly x
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Hi Merely Me Yes I am in the states. One question can they help me get the help i need but dont have? Okay I will call one of those numbers. Can I call them day or night when ever I need to? I will report back, im on every day.
Lauryn