I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year.
First of all what I'd like to explain is that we both have depression, our mutual problems are how we became close and we bonded and I feel we're strong together. I love him very much and he's my best friend.
The difficulty is that unlike him, my depression gives me intense paranoia and anxiety, something which I'm aiming to sort this year as I've been put in touch with a psychiatric nurse who is going to assess me.
I'm in a vulnerable position. I'm very much in love for the first time and I have issues with self confidence and my esteem.
This Christmas he's been going through an especially difficult time with his family and home life.
Thing is, he withdraws and I can't help but become paranoid I've done something or he's planning on finishing with me; I'd like to add that I have no proof of this whatsoever and I suppose I feel bad because I constantly think when he goes quiet or he's sad it's about me, out of the two of us I'd say in general he's able to deal with his feelings a lot better.
We've spoken about this, he's explained that withdrawing is how he deals with things, that he doesn't mean it, that when he's down he doesn't like being overly showered with attention (which I always get the terrible urge to do, naturally) and that he really doesn't feel the need to share all his problems and burden me with them.
The difficulty is I'm terribly sensitive to how he behaves, for example he's made it clear he's feeling down on Facebook and today I tried messaging him, he went offline pretty soon after and didn't reply; I know he most probably just doesn't feel like talking, but I couldn't help but be in tears after and fearful he was sick of me.
I've decided to give him some space, concentrate on myself for a bit and see how things go, I'll be seeing him in a few days, but I'm irrationally terrified he won't ever speak to me again if I wait for him to get in touch, again this is something I have no proof of.
More than anything I just want to be able to deal better with the amount of conflict that goes on in my head daily, part of me is so logical, but the fear makes me constantly negative and sad when we're apart. I don't really feel I can speak with him about it as much as I'd like to because I KNOW it's my problem, I know I'm oversensitive and I really don't want to stress him too much.
Currently I'm not in education or work; difficulty in coping with my depression is why I decided to leave university this year.
I really hope to become better in the coming year and I just wondered if anyone could give me any advice on how best to deal with things.